


Torn

by Frin



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Adventure, Angst, Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-03-18
Packaged: 2018-01-14 18:15:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 28
Words: 29,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1276143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frin/pseuds/Frin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Doctor left her with a dangerous man. What was he thinking?<br/><i>First published 2008.08.27</i><br/>Although I have rated this with graphic descriptions of violence and rape/non-con, it is actually only a  reference to them, I just wanted to cover all bases.</p><p> <i>I'm torn, I'm all out of faith. This is how I feel. I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor. Illusion never changed into something new. I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn, you're a little late. I'm torn... Natalie Imbruglia.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

As they walked up the beach Rose looked sideways at this man who wasn't quite the man she knew. His face was serious, his lips set in a thin line.

She had seen this face on some occasions, usually when he was getting very angry. The Oncoming Storm people called it. She had never seen him in rage, never seen the Storm actually break. But she knew it was there and it was something that people feared.

He gripped her hand tightly, too tightly, not looking at her, not saying anything.

They got to the hotel and Jackie sorted out rooms. Rose tried to meet his eyes, tried to reassure him it was okay, even if it wasn't. But he wasn't taking any notice, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

When they got upstairs he followed her into her room still gripping her hand. He shut the door without saying anything to Jackie.

He stood there staring at her for sometime. Then he smiled and it wasn't his smile. It was a nasty, mocking curling of his lip that didn't reach his eyes.

She backed away from him and he finally released the vice-like grip on her hand. She rubbed it, staring into his face.

"I need to use the toilet..." she stammered. She shut the door, leaning on it and taking a deep breath. Something wasn't right. In fact, something was very wrong. She splashed water on her face and stared down into the sink.

The door clicked behind her. He walked towards her, a glint in his dark, dark eyes. She backed away from him. He walked right up to her, right in to her. His face was right in hers.

"I've wanted to do this for a long, long time, Rose," he whispered and pressed his mouth against hers.

She struggled against him, teeth clashing on teeth. He pulled back.

"Don't," she whispered, her eyes as round as saucers pleading. He pushed her jacket down her shoulders, tracking his fingers down the bare skin of her arms. She tried to pull away but he was pressing her into the wall.

"Please..." she gasped.

"That's right, Rose Tyler, you beg." He held her with one arm and traced his finger over her lips, then onto her chin, down her throat and to the top of her t-shirt. He grabbed the neck of it and pulled hard. It ripped like a piece of paper exposing her warm flesh underneath.

She started to struggle, her voice rising but he clamped his hand over her mouth and pushed the other down the front of her jeans. Then he pushed his body right against her and pulled his hands free. He undid her flies and started to work her jeans down her hips. She started to scream. He slapped her, hard.

She managed to push him away and made a run for it, but he was after her, quick as a flash. He grabbed a chunk of hair at the back of her head and yanked her roughly back pushing her to the ground.

He stood over her, his eyes glazed as his hand went to the zip of his blue trousers.

An hour later as she lay naked and bruised on the floor she heard him leave. Slipping into unconsciousness she imagined she heard the familiar droning whale call of the TARDIS and then the darkness hit.

**********************************************************

Something was very wrong. The Doctor stood at the console feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders. He had, he thought, been gallant and honourable; but it didn't feel good.

Now he was sensing something that was wrong, very wrong. He could feel her distress inside his head. He knew that, while the layers of the universes were still so thin; he had to go back.

He implored the TARDIS to take him and she willingly flung them in a different direction.

Seconds later they landed. He opened the white wooden doors cautiously. He was in a dark hotel room. It was empty. There was something not right here. He scanned the room and his eyes hit the bathroom door. Quietly, he pushed the door open.

He gasped as he saw her. His Rose. She was lying on the floor, her clothes in shreds around the room.

Quickly he moved to her, knelt down and felt her wrist. He took off his long brown coat and wrapped her in it. Gently he lifted her and carried her to the safety of the TARDIS.

He ran with her to the infirmary and laid her down on the table. In the stark light he caught his breath. She was bruised and bleeding. Her lips were swollen badly and both eyes beginning to blacken. Her neck, breasts and thighs were covered in teeth marks, his teeth marks.

His eyes scanned up and down her body assessing the damage. He blinked back the emotion that was frothing up inside him like bile and set to work saving her life. Repairing the damage, the physical damage.

He sedated her heavily then pulled a nano-pod over her encasing her body in a plastic bubble. He pushed some buttons and the bubble filled with tiny flecks of glittering dust. Soon she was hidden in golden light.

Satisfied that she was safe for now and entrusting her care to the TARDIS, he put on his long coat and left, his face fixed in a familiar expression. His lips set in a thin line, his eyes blackening...


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I though I saw a man brought to life. He was warm, he came around like he was diginfied... Natalie Umbruglia_

Gradually Rose woke, she didn't know where she was. She coughed, her throat hurt. What had happened? She tried to focus her brain but everything was a bit fuzzy. 

She managed to lift her head and look around her. She was inside a dome of some sort. It looked like she was in hospital. Not just any hospital, it looked like the infirmary of the TARDIS.

She lay there unable to move, trying to see what was going on, then she caught some movement in the corner of her eye.

"Doctor?" she whispered hoarsely. He came to her side. His face was pale and haggard.

"Don't move."

"What's going on?" It hurt to talk.

"Don't speak, Rose, you were attacked... lie still for now, the nano-pod is repairing your wounds." He wanted to hold her, to reassure her, but he knew he couldn't.

She opened her mouth again, desperately trying to remember. He didn't want her to.

"Rose, it's better if you just sleep," he said gently.

"Okay..." and she drifted off again.

He stood staring at her, his eyes wet. What had he done? He looked at the monitor and read all the data. Satisfied she was back in hibernation, he left the room.

He collapsed on the wall outside sobbing. Gradually, his sobs subsided and he made the journey to Rose's room, as he always did.

He went in. So many ghosts. He could see her sitting at her dressing table brushing her hair and laughing at something he had said. There she was, sleeping, curled up in her pink bedspread with a smile on her rosebud mouth. 

He didn't know what to do and he didn't know who to turn to. He moved back out along the corridors towards the console room stroking the corals of his beloved ship.

"What do I do?" he asked desperately. Noises echoed around him of comfort and sorrow. He flicked a switch and the TARDIS moved into orbit and then into the Vortex. He sat down in the pilot seat and stared into space.

He sat there for what must have been hours when he was startled by the sound of screaming. Rose! He ran as fast as he could to the infirmary.

She was sat up struggling against the nano-pod. The Doctor turned it off and grabbed Rose wrapping his arms around her. She continued to scream as he tried to comfort her, rocking her, shushing her and stroking what was left of her hair. Gradually she calmed a bit, gently crying then she stilled and pulled back.

"I... I... I..." she gulped, "he... he... he... You!" Her eyes widened as she realised and she pushed him away, screaming.

"Get away from me! Get away from me!" He stood up and moved back. She was sobbing and rocking. She pulled her knees up and wrapped her arms around them.

"Rose..." he said softly. She didn't answer.

"Rose..." He took a deep breath. She wouldn't look at him, but she was listening.

"Rose, I made a big mistake. I should never have left him with you... I should never have left him anywhere... I should never have left you." She was quiet, save a sniff.

"Rose, I promise you he will never bother you again." She remained silent.

"I will look after you, I promise."

"Go," she said into her arm, "just go!" a bit louder. He looked at her for a moment, trying to find the right words. Then he left. He remained outside the door for a long, long time.

Rose sat on the bed staring into space. Gradually she pieced it all together. She remembered. She remembered everything that had happened to her. Every last detail came back with shattering clarity. Every word, every disgusting action, everything.

That man out there had done that to her. How could he promise her anything? How could she accept this? She began to cry softly. Not for the reason that had brought her here, but for what was lost to them. Her every wish and desire had come for her and what a bitter pill it was to swallow.

The Doctor paced up and down the corridor. He had done this all night, only twice to go to the console room to check on screen what she was doing. The first time she was still sat in the same position he had left her and the second she was asleep.

He had been through so much in his long, long life but this had to be, by far, the worst. He couldn't concentrate, couldn't breath for the pain and emotions that overflowed inside him. How could you find your way out of this Satan Pit?

He wandered aimlessly through the ever increasing corridors and found himself at the gardens. He hadn't been here since before he lost Rose, over two years ago.

It was so beautiful. Red grass grew around trees with silver leaves. The TARDIS had decided to grow Roses and the there were many in all different colours and varieties. The aroma was intense.

The Doctor started to run. He ran as fast and as far as he could. He ran until he could run no more. When he finally stopped he began to shout. He roared into the nothingness that looked like a Gallifreyan sky as loud and long as he could. He used the fluid words of his native tongue. When he had shouted himself out, he fell to the ground and wept.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _There's nothing where he used to lie, my conversation has run dry. That's what's going on, nothings fine... Natalie Umbrulgia_

Days passed. The Doctor kept his distance, very occasionally going to check her progress, never touching, never looking at her.

"Is there anything you need?"

"No."

He spent most of his time in the console room or the gardens.

Two weeks later Rose was pacing the infirmary. She was bored and suffering from cabin fever. She went to the door and pressed her ear to it. She paced a bit more then back to the door. This time the door opened. She looked out.

Stepping over the tray of food left outside she headed in the direction she thought her room was in. The doors seemed to change as she moved along. She found herself at the entrance to the gardens. The smell was intoxicating, so she stepped inside.

They were so beautiful and, as she padded barefoot through it in her hospital gown; she noticed that the gardens were abundant with roses in every variety and colour she could imagine. She didn't know why but this meant so much to her. She sighed and it almost sounded like a good sound.

She carried on walking losing herself in this paradise. Then she saw a pair of pin striped legs.

She stopped dead still, then turned to go but hesitated. Something was pulling her back.

She walked up to him cautiously. He was lying on the grass as if dead, staring into nothing.

"Doctor?" she said quietly. His eyes shifted towards her but didn't seem to register. She moved a bit closer.

"Doctor, you okay?" He could hear her deep down and inside he screamed at the irony of it. She moved closer still.

"Come on, get up." Nothing. "I can't do this on my own... I can't do this without... come back... don't give up." A tear dropped down her cheek.

"Rose, don't cry, beautiful Rose," he whispered, but he sounded like a child.

"You're scaring me, Doctor." He blinked making himself come to. He put a hand out to her but she pulled back. He looked to her but her eyes shifted down. She couldn't look at him.

She stood up and waited for him to follow suit. They walked out of the gardens together but far apart.

She made tea. Tyler's always made tea. They sat opposite each other at the galley table with a steaming mug. He looked at her waiting, not wanting to push. She still couldn't quite look at him.

"My mum?" she asked finally. He looked up then, not understanding.

"You want your mum?" he asked.

"No... I... no, I'm worried about her. What she thought when I wasn't there, whether... whether he'll bother her." She choked a bit.

"He'll not be bothering anyone again, ever," he said grimly. "I'm sorry but I had to act fast, your wounds were... you would have died.. .he left you for dead. I had to take you away. I left her a note." She nodded.

"I said that I had made a mistake, that I had taken you both in a hurry because he was dangerous and your safety was too important to risk saying goodbye."

"Oh God, it would have killed her!" she said and he revelled in her ability to care how others felt. She sipped her tea. 

"I want to sleep in my room, I mean if it's still there."

"Of course, I would never... just as you left it." She nodded and took a deep breath.

"Doctor, you once offered me Space and Time and that is what I need right now, of a different sort. I need time to come to terms with this and I need space while I'm doing it. I like it here, nowhere else feels like home, is that okay?" The Doctor nodded. She got up to leave.

"Oh, and Doctor?"

"Yes?"

"No watching me sleep." He nodded sadly. She had always known about that then...


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So I guess the fortune teller's right, should have seen just what was there and not some holy light... Natalie Umbruglia_

Time continued crawling on. The Doctor did as Rose asked and she spent much of her time in her room and she liked the galley, so the TARDIS moved them onto the same corridor. It was like she had her own flat.

The Doctor continued to wander the corridors late at night never sleeping, never eating. He was becoming ill.

One evening, weeks after Rose had had their talk in the galley, he made a decision. The TARDIS stroked his mind worrying.

"Just once, I need to talk to someone." he pleaded with her. She conceded and the door he was looking for appeared. He walked in.

It was a round room with a stone floor. There was no furniture. Hanging around the room were thirteen portrait frames. In nine of them were nine familiar faces. The others had a whirling mist inside them, a bit like a grey vortex.

The Doctor walked around them looking into the eyes of each one. Funny how he seemed to get younger as he went along excepting numbers Six and Seven. He stopped at the Ninth. He closed his eyes and concentrated. A mist appeared in the frame and number Nine blinked.

"What do you want, pretty boy?" he grumbled in his Northern drawl.

"I need some advice."

"What? You on your own? Have you lost her then? You stupid Southern idiot! The best thing that ever happened to us!"

"She's here!" he said holding the palms of his hands up. He put his hands in his face and the man in the portrait softened.

"Take a pew then, let's hear it." An armchair was pushed behind him and he sat down.

"I did lose her and she found me."

"She does that."

"Then I lost her again..." He launched into an account of all the events that had led him there.

*******

Rose was wandering the corridors. It felt like she hadn't see a soul for months. Occasionally she would hear the Doctor a couple of rooms away. She never went near the console room even when she tried to find it.

She accepted this as his way of dealing with it. It was what she had asked, but not necessarily what she wanted. In truth, Rose was lonely. She missed him. She missed his stupid grin. The way his eyes lit up when he had a brilliant idea. She missed that untameable mop of hair. Missed him dancing around the console. She missed his hand in hers.

She was in a part of the TARDIS that she didn't recognise and was just about to turn back for fear of getting lost when she heard voices. She drew closer to the door they came from. Usually the TARDIS doors were thick and you could hear very little through them. Today she could hear every word of the conversation.

"Why would you do a thing like that?" She knew that voice.

"She begged me. She went through so much to find me. I was vain. I didn't want to put her through that again." There was a pause.

"Now you know how dangerous fiddling around can be." 

"Wouldn't you have done the same? Besides, if I hadn't it would have been the end of everything."

"Better that than put Rose through..." His voice broke off cracking, her heart skipped a beat. He spoke again.

"What do you want me for?"

"I wanted to ask you about the regenerations. Do you think I used one up?" There was another long pause.

"You know you probably did. What difference does it make?" Again a pause.

"Well, if I have it means I've got one safe regeneration left and I... I thought I might..."

"What? Good God man! Don't you learn? If you meddle with this sort of thing you'll get burnt and you'll probably hurt her in the process. Why would you anyway?"

"I want to get rid of this face and this body and offer her the whole of my last regeneration."

"And then what?" said the Ninth impatiently.

"Then I don't take on the Thirteenth form. I choose not to. If that Metacrisis was anything to go by I don't want to risk it!"

"But your Twelfth regeneration could last you years. Your First lasted you over eight hundred and fifty!"

"Yeah well, we get a bit less careful as we go on, don't we?"

"Would she have you?"

"Isn't it worth the try?" It was like ping pong.

"Shouldn't you talk to her first?"

"She can't even look at me." His voice cracked.

"You have to talk to her now. One of my biggest regrets was not telling her." Rose gasped. Her head was spinning. What was going on?

"You can't just chose to regenerate and then go up to her and say "hello, I'm the Doctor!" She'd, well I don't know what she'd do now, but I know what she would have done then." There was silence. "You must give your actions serious thought. Give it time. She's bright and strong, she'll work it out. Clean youself up, get some sleep and find her, talk with her. Go on off with you, go and right your mistake." He didn't say it unkindly. 

Rose realised that the Doctor was on his way out, so she slipped into the room opposite and hid...


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn... Natalie Umbruglia_

When she heard him pass she held her breath knowing how good his senses were. She waited a while and then pushed the door open. The door opposite was still slightly ajar. She peeked inside.

Seeing that it was empty she went in. She wandered around the portraits studying them, trying to see if she could see anything she knew in them. Finally, she came to the one she recognised.

She sat down in the armchair tucking her feet under her. She studied the picture her head awash with memories. How funny and brooding he had been. She laughed remembering him trying to hide his jealousy of Jack.

"Did you forget something?" the picture said suddenly. Rose jumped and his face softened when he realised it was her.

"It's you, " he said with a half smile.

"Yes," she smiled back, shyly.

"How have you been?" He tried casual.

"Been better, you know, think you heard."

"Ah..." His blue eyes glowed intensely. "Why are you still here, Rose?"

"Where else could I go?"

"Plenty of places, he would take you anywhere." She didn't answer him.

"Rose, he loves you. That... that thing, it wasn't him. It was everything he isn't, you know that. What he did to you that... that anti-Doctor, it was because it was the worst thing he could do to the pair of you. He didn't just hurt you in the worst possible way, he hurt him in the most possible way. You're humanity knows that better than ours!"

"He wants to regenerate?" she asked.

"He thinks that if he does you two might stand a chance." She glanced at the eight strangers around them and shook her head.

"Then you must decide what you want, Rose, what you can bear. You must make a choice or I could see him doing something stupid." There was a long pause.

"What do you regret?" she asked him out of the blue surprising him.

"You've been eavesdropping." She didn't answer. He struggled for words.

"I regret not being able to have longer with you... you saved me Rose... I owe you so much. I regret not telling you how I felt. When I took your hand that first time..." A single tear tracked down his cheek.

"Yes, Doctor?" He took a deep breath.

"When I took your hand that first time it felt like I was home. Before that I had lost the will, didn't care if I lived or died. That's where he is now."

"If you say he needs me and that's really you, I'll..." she stopped. He looked at her for a long time.

"You should do what your heart tells you, it's usually right."

"Easy for you to say, stuck in there." 

"Stupid Ape," he smiled.

"Stupid Time Lord... Can I visit again?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I'm just an echo Rose. The Time Lord called on me for some not so objective advice. It's him you should be talking to."

"It won't stop me trying." She got up to go.

"I know."

"Goodbye, you daft Northern git." she smiled

"Goodbye, Rose Tyler.

She left the room wiping her eyes and followed the corridor on down. She wasn't exactly sure where she was and was surprised to find herself walking in to the console room.

He was staring right at her but he didn't seem to see her. She looked at him properly for the first time in weeks and couldn't believe her eyes. He looked awful. He had shadows under his eyes, his skin was grey and, if it were possible, he was thinner. She stood there for a while watching him.

*****

He left his Ninth incarnation and stumbled up the corridor. Everywhere he could smell her. Never mind what the Northern one said the rate he was going he would reach his twelfth regeneration soon enough.

He went and sat in the console room, he knew he wouldn't get in the way there. She avoided coming there. He contemplated the conversation in the Hologram room.

No. That had been the absolute. Do nothing. Every time he caught sight of his reflection he couldn't breath. Do nothing. The ghosts started to come. He heard her voice. "Goodnight daft Northern git". There she was standing there leaning on the bar, just like always. Just staring, like always.

Time. Give it time. He hated time. It governed him. Lord of Time! Ha! That was some joke.

The movement in the corner disturbed him. It was only his phantom Rose.

"Doctor?" He jumped out of his skin.

She had never made him jump before, she felt like laughing but that wouldn't be right.

"Are you okay?" he asked lowering his eyes.

"Yes, I'm fine... I... I just..." She walked into the room and sat in her usual seat.

"Just?"

"I don't know." Her voice was very small.

"Did you need something?" He asked still not looking at her.

"Yes."

"What?"

"I don't know." she repeated, her voice nearly a whisper now.

"Right." He moved as if to go.

"I was... lonely" He turned then and looked her full in the face. Her eyes met his.

"You can stay, I'm not much company." She nodded. They didn't speak again until an hour later when she got up to go to bed.

"Goodnight Doctor," she said quietly.

"Night," he murmured back. She turned back as she left the room.

"You should get some sleep, you look dog rough."

*******

When she got back to her room she was shaking. He looked terrible. If death had a door he would be at it. Why did she say that to him? He looked too awful for her to be frightened of. She was seriously worried.

*******

Get some sleep, she had said. How? He knew if he went to sleep the nightmares would come. Now they were worse. Once upon a time Rose could calm him but that wasn't going to happen again... ever. 

She came to the console room. She sat with him. What did it mean?


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heat is for... Natalie Umbruglia_

He was pacing again. It was late, a few nights after Rose had arrived in the console room.

He had tried, Lord knows he had tried to get some sleep. Every time he shut his eyes the worst pictures imaginable crept in. These weren't the same pictures he had been fighting before, the ones of the destruction of his race. Those had been replaced by something even more disturbing.

He barely had the energy to walk, but still he paced. He was avoiding Rose now because he knew that he looked bad. He found it hard to walk without shuffling and his suit hung from him. 

Wherever he walked though, the TARDIS was trying to lead him to her. He didn't know why, his present state of mind and his illness had dulled his senses and he was finding it hard to communicate.

Now he found himself in the corridor leading to the galley and he knew she was in there. He turned to move away and stumbled, steadying himself on the wall. He tried to walk away but his legs were so heavy. He leant on the wall.

Rose was making tea in the kitchen. She couldn't sleep, she was worried about the Doctor. She hadn't seen him since the night she had gone to the console room and, despite looking, he had managed to evade her.

She heard a shuffle outside and went to look. The Doctor was leaning against the wall his chin to his chest, back on the wall.

"Doctor?" she said in a whisper. He looked up and she gasped at the gaunt skeleton of a face that barely saw her. He slid down the wall and she ran to him. 

Vaguely he could feel her hands about him, touching him, pulling him up walking him to where? Her room. She sat him on her bed, took off his Converses, jacket and tie. She pushed him back on to her pillow.

"I... I... just want you to sleep, okay?" he heard her whisper as the bed dipped beside him and she pulled him to her resting his head on her shoulder and moving her arms around him.

He lay there passive in her arms wondering how this could be.

"Rose..." he ushered.

"Yes?" she replied gently, but there was no answer. He was asleep.

He slept for eighteen hours solid. Rose managed to extract herself to relieve her bladder or get a drink, but she was so worried he would wake that she was soon back in bed beside him.

She was watching his face when his eyes fluttered. He opened them and looked straight into hers. What was that look on her face, it wasn't fear any more; it was soft and warm. There might even be a smile there.

"Don't ever change your face on purpose, will you?" she asked him. "If you have to then do, but not on purpose."

"I won't," he whispered.

"Right, you have been asleep for eighteen hours and I, for one am starving. Do you know what I think we should do?"

"Eighteen hours?" His mouth dropped open.

"I think you needed it." The Doctor was realising that he was lying in Rose's bed, in Rose's arms and Rose was talking to him. Had he died and gone to heaven?

"Doctor, I'm very, very hungry and, Time Lord or not, at some point you need to eat." He sat up. "I think we should go and cook." She got up and put on her dressing gown.

"Cook?" He got up and pulled on his Converses.

"Yes, I know it sounds very trivial but I'm going to get ill if I don't eat and you... you already are."

"Cooking it is then." He said and absent-mindedly held his hand out to her, realised and pulled it back.

Rose stared at him for a while and then left the room. He followed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Illusion never changed into something real... Natalie Umbruglia_

In the galley she started hunting in the cupboards and the fridge pulling out eggs , bacon, mushrooms and tomatoes.

"Full English then?" she said looking at him shyly.

"Sorry?" He wasn't quite concentrating.

"Breakfast, best meal of the day. The start of the day!"

"Yes... it's just... I can't quite take this all in," he stammered.

"What?" She put a pan on the hob.

"You Rose, you should be... you should... why the turn around?" She looked at him and shook her head slightly.

"You're not the only one who sought advice from a familiar face." The Doctor stood thinking for a while until Rose interrupted him.

"I'm not doing this on my own, Doctor, you can beat some eggs with some milk and get scrambling." The bacon sizzled in the pan.

Slowly the Doctor scrambled the eggs, watching Rose all the while. The galley wasn't a large space and as she moved around she had to pass by him quite closely. Each time she passed he couldn't help inhaling, breathing her in. He was confused.

Eventually they sat down to eat. The heat from the oven had made Rose flush and in her pink flannel pyjamas she looked about twelve. They had cooked way too much. The eating became a sort of competition each eating one more mushroom than the other. Finally Rose gave up.

"I'm stuffed! I'll be sick if I take another bite!" she gasped.

"Me too!" He sat back and he couldn't help smiling. Rose looked across the table at him. He looked a little better, still pale and his eyes wouldn't hold her's for long.

"Want to talk?" she said quietly. He glanced up.

"There's so much to say," he replied finally calling it.

"Well, I suppose we could play pretend, but I don't want to do that, not any more."

"No..." he hung his head. Rose took a deep breath.

"It wasn't you, Doctor." So brave.

"I feel responsible..."

"When have you never?" she said with a trace of bitterness.

"I'm sorry?" He was surprised.

"Yeah, that just about sums you up. Ever since I met you, before you were even you, you apologised. Even when it wasn't your fault. I'm sorry. Somebody dies in the next street. I'm sorry. A world ends light years away. I'm sorry."

"Well I am!"

"But you act like it's your fault! And it's not, not any of it!"

"I left him with you!"

"You didn't know!"

"I should've known!"

"But you didn't, if I can accept that then so can you!"

"I don't know if I can."

"You have to or else we remain in hell forever." He looked at his hands. 

"Doctor you gave up, you promised to look after me."

"You didn't want me." 

"I stayed, didn't I?" She looked at him, her jaw solid, almost challenging. "I didn't give up. If we don't work through this, replace those memories with new ones then you might as well have left me to die."

"I would never..." he shook his head.

"I know that, but what we need from each other is exactly what we've just been doing. Simple ordinary day to day, together."

"Domestic?" he smiled shyly. She nodded.

"You need sleep and food and fresh air." The Doctor looked at her with tears falling down his cheeks.

"Look at you, Rose Tyler, worrying about me. You... caring for me."

"You scared me last night. I knew you probably hadn't slept since... I had to get you to sleep. The TARDIS just kept leading us back to my room and I remembered about the nightmares, remembered how we got through those, realised that's what you've been avoiding. It worked."

"And now?" he asked.

"Now we just do normal and see how we go. I think we've both got difficult times ahead of us but I want us to go through them together and see where we end up." The Doctor nodded in agreement.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I want to travel through time, see your surprise, I'll hold you so tight. I'm counting down the days tonight. I just want to be a million miles away from here. I'm counting down the days... Natalie Umbruglia_

Gradually, as the time passed the Doctor recovered. Rose made sure that they sat down in the evenings to eat. They shared the cooking and this, in itself, became an intimate ritual. 

The Doctor was acutely aware that everything they did was done on Rose's terms and remained passively agreeable which began to grate on Rose. She missed her old sparring partner. 

On some days, when she found alone time; she frequently sought out the room with the pictures so she could have a banter. She never found it.

The Doctor enjoyed the routine they created in their bubble. He missed the travelling and the fun but Rose was good company, even if he had to remain guarded. 

Every night they slept together safe in each others arms. It was very chaste and it put paid to the nightmares. This was the only real physical contact they had.

Frequently, because he needed far less sleep; he would get back up and potter around the TARDIS, then he would brood.

One day Rose walked into the console room, leant against the handrail and sighed. Instantly the Doctor looked up the question on his face. She was wearing a pair of quite loose fitting jeans and a red jacket.

"You alright?" he asked.

"Yeah... no." she muttered.

"Yeah,no? That doesn't make sense it's an idiom..." but she interrupted him.

"Doctor, I think we should go out." She stumbled over the words getting them out as fast as possible. The Doctor felt his whole body tense up. It was safe in here, she was safe in here.

"You know... land somewhere? We've been floating about here for nearly three months. We need some fresh air. I need to find someone to sort out my hair."

"I can do that," he said quickly.

"Qualified, are you?" She was mildly amused.

"Weell..." Sheepish.

"No, I want to find somewhere normal, where we've never been and do normal things like shopping and going to the hairdressers. Maybe we could... I don't know... go to the cinema, see a film?"

"Earth?"

"Anywhere that can do normal and we won't bump into anyone we know."

"I'm sorry about your hair." he said looking down at his grubby Converses.

"Stop apologising. It'll grow back." He glanced back up at her, the question silent between them, so she answered it.

"He pulled it out when I tried to run, pulled me back, took out a handful." The haunted expression returned to his face and Rose so very nearly went to hug him.

"Doctor?" He looked at her. "We _will_ have to talk it through. I know that if I keep it all in here, hide it away it'll eat me up inside. Gradually, little by little so we don't have the barrier of it to stop our... to stop us." He looked up sharply, catching his breath. What did she mean? He think he knew what it implied, but surely she couldn't feel that way, could she?

"I know! I want normal and a beach. I want to build a sandcastle, get some sun and see your freckles coming out!" She was teasing him. A tear, one single tear spilt from his eye. He shook himself.

"If that is what my lady wishes then that is what my lady shall get." Rose grinned from ear to ear. His hearts filled with hope.

Rose ran and fetched a baseball cap and tucked the remains of her blonde locks up into it.

"How do I look?" she asked.

"Fantastic!" he smiled pushing some buttons and stepping back from the console.

"Handbrake?" she asked.

"Oh yes!" he smiled. She stepped forward and pushed the lever.

Immediately the TARDIS lurched and they were hurled into each other, then onto the pilot seat, back up and finally landing in a messy heap on the floor, the Doctor landing on top of Rose. The TARDIS was still.

"Rose?" The Doctor jumped up. She was on her front shaking. He reached down and turned her over. She was laughing her head off.

"Never get used to that, me!" she gulped. He put his hand out to help her up, she glanced at it then reached out and took it. Tiny little electric shocks ran through them at the contact.

He looked at the monitor. It was a quiet seaside town and it looked just right.

"Not too many people, nice clean beach, hairdressers, the cinema's a 4-D one. I've always wanted to go to one, you feel like you're actually in the film, they project it around you, supposed to be very real. Ooh, they've got candy-floss!" Was that a little bounce in his heel she detected? He caught her catching it and sombred a bit.

"No sign of trouble?" she asked.

"No..." he smiled. Did he now detect a flicker of disappointment?

"What is this planet called?" he smiled at her.

"It's New Earth." She looked at him sharply. "I didn't plan that, that was the TARDIS. It's about ten years after we were here last. Shall we?" He indicated the white wooden doors. She smiled and they headed off down the ramp.

Five hours later they burst through the doors hand in hand at breakneck speed. They slammed the doors and leant against them puffing. She looked at him accusingly.

"What? How was I to know they'd be flesh eating zombies? The title didn't suggest it, "Picnic in Paradise", I ask you!" He stood up and faced her.

"Wasn't it scary though?" Her eyes were wide.

"Never again! I'm sticking to 3-D in future! And I dropped my candy floss!"

"We're not going back!"

"Rose..."

"No way! Let's get gone!" He smiled and walked up the ramp.

"Where?"

"Nowhere, I want to go and fiddle with my hair, it feels strange short, like a boy." The Doctor snorted.

"You're anything but a boy, Rose Tyler!" Then he stopped short.

"Yeah, well I'll just go see what I can do with it..." She had a funny look on her face. He regained himself.

"I'll cook supper."

"You? On your own?"

"Yes, me on my own, I'll call you when it's ready." She left the room. 

He could've kicked himself. It was so easy to absent-mindedly slip into the old ways. That was sexual innuendo, he was going to have to watch his tongue.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _That day, that day I lay down beside myself in this feeling of pain, sadness, scared, small. Climbing, crawling towards the light and it's all that I see and I'm tired and I'm right and I'm wrong and it's beautiful... Natalie Umbruglia_

An hour later the Doctor knocked on Rose's door.

"Come in," she called and he walked in but soon stopped in his tracks.

She was wearing a dress. It was simple enough, but that is what made it so striking. It was white and she had caught the sun so it made an incredible contrast. It had a square neckline and short slightly puffed sleeves. It was knee length and the material floated about her. She had bare feet as she always did in the TARDIS. 

Her newly cut blonde her was brushed into her face, whisping about it giving her a pixie-ish look. She wore big hooped silver earrings and a small amount of make up. The Doctor stared at her. Finally he found his voice.

"I only made spag bol!" was all he could say.

"Best not get it on me frock then!" she smiled. They walked side by side down the corridor together and every now and then he glanced across at her.

"I wanted to feel a bit feminine, okay?" she said finally.

"You look beautiful, Rose," he murmured.

"Yeah, considering," she smiled and, just briefly, her tongue touched her teeth.

When they sat down to eat the TARDIS automatically dimmed the lights to candlelight mode.

"Stop it!" he said raising his eyes upwards, but she smiled.

"She's only trying to help."

After they had finished and had had their fill of pasta, garlic bread and a couple of glasses of red wine each, the Doctor could see Rose was nearly dropping off.

"Come on, you've had a very busy day, bed."

"What about you?" she yawned.

"I've got a few things to do, I want to tidy up and then I've got to take a look at the sham draft converter, I'll be in later."

"I'm sure you make half those things up," she said as she got up.

A few hours later he was staring into space at the console. He was reliving the past twenty four hours. He could feel a little glowing tiny ember of hope. Things might... just might be okay. He thought about Rose, how strong and unselfish she was. He was so proud and so much in awe of her.

His thoughts were interrupted by hysterical screaming. He crashed down the corridor to Rose's room.

She wasn't awake yet, just sat up and screaming as loud as she could her arms flailing about.

He wanted to take her in his arms and hold her until the nightmare subsided but he couldn't, she might think it was him.

"Rose," he said softly. She didn't hear.

"Rose!" he shouted. Her eyes snapped open and her mouth shut. For one horrible split second in the moment before conciousness she looked at him in a way he could hardly bear.

Then she woke completely, burst into tears and held her arms to him. He pulled her to him, sitting on the bed beside her and held her. She crawled onto his lap like a small child and sobbed into his neck.

Although he knew what her nightmare was, he couldn't help the warm feeling inside him grow. He was allowed to comfort her and that gave him such a feeling of pure joy that it seemed almost criminal.

"He's going to find us, Doctor, I know he is, he is full of such hate, he's going to find us and kill us and take the TARDIS and do bad things," she sobbed and gulped.

"No, he isn't," he said calmly, "no, he won't, he can't." She stopped crying soothed by his presence, his voice so sure.

"I found a way back to you and he is far more capable than me," she sniffed.

"He's never coming back," he said.

"How can you be so sure?" He looked at her for a while contemplating, then he reached a decision.

"I'll show you." He stood up setting her on to her feet. He was bold enough to take her hand.

He led her down past the console room to a part of the TARDIS she had never been to before. It was dark and cold and had a completely different feel to it. He could feel her shaking beside him.

He took her to a door and pushed it open. It was small semi-dark room with a table in the centre upon which stood a jar with a floating hand inside it. She glanced up to his face, just visible in the shadows.

"Is that?" she whispered.

"Yes."

"Did you?" He didn't answer. "Why is it here?"

"Because, at some point you would need proof. I want us to destroy it together one day."

"I don't want to look at it." He nodded and shut the door.

"I'm sorry to be so graphic about it," he said quietly.

"I think you're right, better for me to see."

They went back to her room.

"Nightmares are the things that are going to creep up and take you back there. Some nightmares can be very real."

"That's why you don't sleep, isn't it?" He nodded.

"I'm alright with you," he said quickly.

"Yeah, me too... good excuse to get in my bed," she smiled.

"Rose Tyler... what was that?" he said shocked. She just grinned and jumped into bed patting the space beside her.

"I'm tired, so are you, lets get some uninterrupted sleep."

"Are you using me?"

"Yes." He took off his jacket and Converses and settled in with her. She snuggled in to his chest.

"Doctor?" 

"Yes?" 

"I want to get rid of it as soon as we can," she whispered.

They lay there in silence for a while until gradually her breathing slowed. He lay there for a long time staring at the ceiling his, hearts filling with hope.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Trying to wash your trace off my skin, cover up the footprints I've been walking in. Easier to cut you cold. You can keep your waste of space, I'm half way home... Natalie Umbruglia_

A couple of days later at breakfast, the Doctor bought up the subject of the disposal of the hand. She knew he was building up to say something.

"I thought we might take a trip today, just a quick one..." he was pouring honey onto a pancake very liberally, making her feel a bit sick.

"Oh? Anywhere special?" she asked, her tea half way up to her mouth.

"No, not special, just something that needs to be done."

"Ah..." she murmered.

"I think the best way to destroy it would be to throw it into a massive heat source." The words tumbled out of his dry mouth. 

"Doctor, tell me why does the hand have to be destroyed in a particular way and not the rest?" she looked puzzled.

"Because this hand was the prime hand, it is the hand of a Time Lord. It could happen again from this hand."

"But not the rest?" He shook his head.

"I for one, want to make sure that the hand is well and truly destroyed. The only thing on earth that would do the job is molten lava."

"A volcano?" she was surprised.

"Yes, if we can get above the flow or river and throw it in we will see it destroyed once and for all. I know it sounds dramatic but really it will be good for us to make a point of it. Donna and I, we where at Vesuvius the day it errupted on Pompeii."

"You want to go back there?"

"No, I don't want to risk crossing timelines, especially not hers. I just thought there would be something symbolic in revisiting it on the last day it errupted. It would be very hot and smelly. But well, we wouldn't have to actually get out of the TARDIS, she could just suspend herself over the top."

"Okay."

"Just like that?"

"Doctor, I don't want to make a song and dance about it. I just want it gone." He nodded.

****

He attached the bunjee ropes around their waists and clipped them to the console. Then he walked down the ramp and placed the jar by the door.

He pushed in the coordinates and stood by Rose.

"It has to be quick, the heat will be intense." They took the lever together and pulled it down.

Quickly the TARDIS moved through Time and Space to March the eighteenth 1944 and positioned herself above the caldera of Vesuvius.

The Doctor took Rose's hand and they walked down the ramp. He picked up the jar and pulled the doors open. The heat blast against them, burning their faces and blowing their hair back. The smell of the sulpher was very strong and Rose clamped her mouth shut trying not to breath in.

They looked down onto the mouth of the volcano.

"Ready?" he shouted over the angry roar. She nodded. He held the jar, which he had strapped weights to to ensure it wouldn't blow off course. The fluid inside was bubbling furiously and Rose felt herself shrinking away from it.

"Together?" He shouted again. She looked into his face and nodded again.

He held the jar in his right hand and she took hold of it in her left and they leaned out of the TARDIS. Then they dropped the hand down into the centre and watched as it plummeted down like a dead weight. They saw it land in the bright orange lava and stay there for a split second. Then the jar exploded and the hand sank.

The Doctor pulled Rose back and slammed the doors. He ran back to the console and switched the monitor on, searching to make sure. Satisfied he moved the TARDIS off into space.

He untied the bunjee ropes and walked down to Rose who was still standing by the doors, he untied her.

"Gone, definitely and completely, all gone. I saw it and I feel it." He pulled her to him and held her tightly. She nodded against his shoulder, her tense body finally relaxing.

He pulled back and looked into her face, searching, and just for a moment she thought, she hoped, that he was going to kiss her. He didn't.

"How do you feel?" he asked quietly as the TARDIS settled down. How could she tell him that all she felt right now was a deep desire for him to take her in his arms and kiss her?

"I'm not sure," she answered and he nodded not quite believing her. "You okay?" she asked.

"I knew he was never coming back." he said grimly.

"What did you do?" she whispered. His face was set and he stared deep into her eyes.

"I didn't give him a second chance..." She could see the depth in his eyes and had that familiar feeling of being able to fall into them.

"He..." She stopped herself and lowered her head. He put a finger under her chin and gently bought her head back up to meet his gaze.

"Rose?"

"He said... he said... he always wanted to do that..." The Doctor stepped back a bit, his eyes searing with pain. 

"Not that, Rose, never that. However you interpret it, don't ever think..." He stopped because he felt the words were going in the wrong direction. "Raping and beating and taking someone when they have told them no, that's not something that people usually want to do," he said quietly. "Two people wanting to show their love for each other is not the same as that, not on any planet, in any galaxy or in any universe." Rose searched his face with sad brown eyes.

"Do you?" she whispered. He wasn't quite sure... oh.

"Yes, I love you Rose, always have." A tear slipped from her eye.

"He didn't even look like you when... he was completely different." The Doctor pulled her to him and held her while she wept.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Child be still in the storm to wave us goodbye. Child we will return to dance with the sky... Natalie Imbruglia_

"Let's go somewhere, Doctor, I'm bored," moaned Rose a few days later.

"Normal?"

"No, unnormal!" he grinned his old grin, big and wide and cheeky. He had regained the weight he'd lost. The shadows under his eyes were gone and the colour was back in his face. His hair was in much better condition, instead of hanging limp it stood tall above his head.

Rose's pulse quickened as she observed this and he noticed. She grinned back at him and his hearts soared. She looked fantastic, she was glowing.

He took her to a planet with one of the biggest markets in the Solar System. He took great pleasure in watching her shop and haggle with all manna of alien kind.

After a couple of hours wandering around they decided to stop at a restaurant for some lunch.

"This is wonderful," sighed Rose as the waiters fought to serve the gallant man and the beautiful golden woman. The Doctor didn't appear to have heard her. She looked at him and recognised the look of old. He was concentrating intently, listening to... what?

"What's up?" she whispered leaning towards him. He stood up and looked down at her.

"Stay here." he said softly and crept off in the direction of the cloakrooms. Of course Rose never had the intention of remaining behind, never had, never would.

She moved towards the door where he had gone and listened. She could hear a scuffle going on inside and then the Doctor groaned. Without hesitation she pushed the door and walked in.

Inside there were two huge red and orange aliens with great domed heads. One of them had hold of the Doctor while the other was laying into him. The Doctor looked at Rose, his eyes suddenly full of panic.

"Leave him alone!" she shouted. The alien that had been beating the Doctor grabbed hold of her roaring with laughter.

"Or what?" he snarled.

"You don't want her, let her go, it's me you're after!" screamed the Doctor.

"Me thinks the Time Lord doth protest!" came the answer and he looked at Rose with eyes afresh.

"So, you are the Time Lords plaything? Now that would be a rewarding prize, would it not, Time Lord? I get the Time Lord and his concubine, rich pickings from such an out of the way tawdry little backwater!" His great huge eyes travelled over Rose in a way she didn't like. He let go of her and stood over her.

She could no longer see the Doctor but she could certainly hear him as he roared and threatened them. Her alien was approaching her with an intent she knew, a great long tongue darting out of his wide lipless mouth.

Rose bought her leg up hard and kicked this huge thing in the groin. He groaned and buckled over and as he did she bought her knee up and smashed it hard into his face. Green blood splattered from the hole that would have been his nose. He fell backwards to reveal the Doctor standing above the slumped body of the other alien.

He was angry.

"I told you to stay put!" he shouted.

"Looks like you could have done with some help," she replied evenly.

"You put yourself at risk! After everything we... you'd do that?" He was breathing heavily and his eyes were black. She stared at him and turned on her heel. He was after her in a flash.

She ran back to the TARDIS as fast as she could with him following still ranting at her.

Once through the doors she ran to her room but he was still after her. She ran into her en suite and still he pursued. He burst through the door at the beginning of a huge beration and then she lost complete control.

"Get out!" she screamed pushing him back forcefully terror and tears in her eyes, "Get out! Get out!" Realising the situation, he backed out of the bathroom and she slammed and locked the door.

He sat down and put his back against the locked door listening to her sobbing, his head in his hands. Gradually she stopped.

"Rose?" he said softly and he heard her come to the door. She, like him, sat with her back on it.

"I'm sorry," he said, " I should have thought." There was silence for a while then she finally spoke.

"I over reacted." Very quietly like a small child.

"No, I don't think so, given the circumstances."

"Well, perhaps, but you can't wrap me in cotton wool forever. Sometimes I feel very lonely inside my head." The Doctor closed his eyes in pain of the image she conjured up.

"I want you to tell me all you want to tell me, Rose. I don't want you to protect me. I saw your injuries. I know what he did to you. If you feel you need to talk about it, then you probably should." There was another long silence. Again she spoke.

"It was the feeling of..." she stopped. He waited with baited breath.

"You know I worked for Torchwood in the other universe? I was a field agent and to become one you have to go through some heavy duty training. Well, I was the top of my classes in most things, I knew more about aliens then any of them, even my trainers. I even was able to give advice about alien technology..." The Doctor smiled sadly from behind the door, pride creeping in.

"The other training was weaponry, which was something I wasn't keen on, after all I had been taught to negotiate first and always give anyone a second chance. The physical training was hard, but I was fit, something to do with all that running. But the self defence classes were a joy to me. I learnt how to look after myself and my team." He felt so proud of her.

"But when it boiled down to it, I couldn't protect myself. I felt so useless."

"But you... thought, you would have been surprised. I mean surely it's a different circumstance?"

"My life was in danger and I didn't help myself." He heard her stand up and unbolt the door, so he got up. She came out and stood beside him.

"When Cassandra took over my body that time, could you have hurt her? I know you would try not to harm anyone, but because it was my body, my face wouldn't that have made it harder?" He nodded.

"I might have been able to defend myself but... I couldn't" Her voice broke.

"So that was part of the power he had over you?" She nodded.

"It's cruel Doctor, he knew exactly what he was doing." He nodded again and took her hands, listening.

"So I gave up, became passive, thought if I just switched off... Oh, that angered him. He wanted me to resist, to fight, to beg... But when I just let him, he raged, that's when he became really violent. By then I had managed to switch most of myself off. You know what they call you? The Oncoming Storm? Well he wasn't, there was nothing magnificent about him. He was a monster, no more, no less. I've met a few monsters in my life, some of them really quite nasty. On the whole I've been lucky, got away with it. You? You've died a few times by the hand of monsters, haven't you? This time I wasn't so lucky, I met a monster and I nearly died." 

She looked up into his eyes and he could see there was so much more she needed to say.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Like a frightened child fragile in spirit. Like a wind blowing wild no name you can give it. Like an infantile seeing light for the very first... Natalie Imbruglia_

They stood staring at each other just outside her bathroom door. The silence echoed around them. She took a deep breath in.

"There are scars... just like you have scars." She searched his face. He continued to listen wondering where she was leading to.

"Scars heal in time... but the one thing I am worried about is you..." This got a reaction out of him.

"Me? Why? In what way? I know that I let you down at first but I..." She placed a finger over his lips.

"Sssh, I don't mean in that way. On the beach, that first time, the one I described as the worst of my life... I told you that I loved you. I never told that to anyone before, not in that way. Then I lost you and every day was pure misery. I wanted to be with you so much it ate me up until all I could think and breath was how do I get back, and did you want me to? Then I did and I know how glad you were to see me and that was all that mattered." 

She stopped for breath her chest rising. He continued to stare at her wanting to know.

"Then he happened and I knew. I could see it on your face, the decision you had come to. I was angry with you and I thought "Why not? Maybe he will be all I need." I should have come after you, should have insisted. But I thought, part of me thought, you didn't want me. That you had found a way to be rid of me."

"Rose I..." She placed her hand to his mouth again.

"And deep down I knew that you wanted me to have a normal life in my own home with my family. You thought that you could experience that in a way, with a human version of you... But what you didn't work out was that since the day you took my hand and told me to run that you have been my family and the moment I set foot in this fantastic blue box, she was my home."

Tears were running freely down her face and still she continued.

"I know that you will outlive me, that was always on the cards. But to deny us anything at all? And now? Now I don't know if you will ever see me as more than Rose, the girl that loved you and got badly damaged in the process."

"Rose, do you really... really think that?" The pain reflected from his to her eyes.

"Doctor, when I told you that I loved you, what did it mean to you? Really mean?"

"My hearts were breaking at the time, Rose, it meant pain and loneliness."

"And now?" He stopped still.

"Now what?"

"How do you feel about it now?" He shook his head ever so slightly.

"You haven't... you don't... an awful lot has happened to you since then."

"But I do..." she whispered.

"Do?" Confusion and hope blending in his dark eyes.

"I love you." He stared deep in to her eyes still not seeing.

"And I told you that I love you, I always have, always will."

"So, we love each other. Where does that exactly lead?" He looked at her long and hard then he took a deep breath.

"I am happy to have you here on any level. I want you here." Rose shook her head and his hearts started to sink.

"I don't want to be here on just any level. Where I come from two people that love each other romantically express that love for each other in different ways." He couldn't quite believe what he was hearing.

"I've seen you wanting to kiss me, Doctor, I've felt it. Other things too... I don't know if I can cope with being around you without being able to be with you in that way." She was quiet.

"Oh..." was all he could say but his hearts were thumping together very hard.

"I'm not making demands on you, Doctor, but I need to know that there is some hope of us having a normal relationship. That you haven't put me in a glass case so you can look and... no touch." She lowered her eyes, flushing slightly pink, knowing how forward she sounded. Then she raised them again.

"Two people wanting to show their love for each other, that's what you said."

"But Rose, you have to understand it from my point of view," he stuttered.

"Oh, I do, that's why it's me here speaking the words that would never get spoken. You're terrified, Doctor, but I know you want me." He said nothing but simply stared at this beautiful brave woman.

"You've never even kissed me, Doctor." His eyes moved to her lips hungrily. Tormented by words and wants he still held back.

"Am I always going to be the one to call it? The one to take the initiative? The one to make the first move?" There was silence as she waited for him to answer. His lips were dry and he felt a bit light headed, but finally he answered.

"Maybe you will the first time..."


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I didn't want to leave you with the wrong impression, didn't want to leave you my last with confession of love. Wasn't trying to pull you in the wrong direction. All I wanna do is make a connection of love... Natalie Imbruglia_

Rose took a tentative step towards the Doctor.

He stood his ground staring at her. This scared him. He was comfortable with the way things were between them.

If this happened then everything was going to change. But, if he put a stop to it how would that make her feel? Another baser instinct wanted this to happen.

She leant up and touched her lips to his.

For one moment he felt like he had just reached the top of the big dipper in that moment when everything is suspended before your stomach is left behind as you plummet downwards.

Then he started to gently respond. She tasted so sweet, like a ripe peach with a hint of toothpaste thrown in for good measure.

Her arms snaked up around his neck and he carefully placed his hands on either side of her waist.

All the time the Doctor was aware that he must hold back, must not display too much passion, must not scare her.

This was bitter sweet. Deep inside he knew how unfair this was, that as a first kiss it was a sham.

Rose pulled back and looked at him.

"Doctor?"

"I'm sorry, Rose, It's not that I don't... it's just that I..." She lowered her head wringing her hands together.

"You don't want this..."

"No! I..."

"You're not ready?"

"No, Rose you're not ready. I don't want to rush in. We need to take it slowly. Let's just enjoy each others company and let time do what it does best. Instead of pushing lets just let things happen naturally..." Rose looked up at him sadly but accepting what he was saying.

"I only wanted to kiss you Doctor," she said sullenly.

"Indeed?" he said with a slight undertone.

The Doctor knew that in some part Rose felt rejected by him and for a few days things between them were a bit strained. They still lay in each others arms at night and still hugged and held hands. But the Doctor had made it clear he was not comfortable with taking it further. Yet.

She tried hard to pretend but he could tell that her feelings had been hurt and that her confidence was low.

"I think it's time we started travelling properly again, Doctor," she said a week later.

He looked up from the console with his eyes clouded over, but before he could respond she carried on.

"I'm perfectly fit and perfectly bored. You've tried too carefully in the places we visit and I can understand why. But you can't wrap me in cotton wool forever and half the time it doesn't work. Even the most undesirables can track you down to the most 'tawdry of little backwaters.'"

"Rose, I'm just concerned for your safety."

"I'm only too aware of that, but I'm going demented in here and I think you must be too."

"Oh, you know, I've good company and I'm used to having time on my hands."

"Yes well, you've got a lot more of that than I," she answered pointedly and he got the feeling she was having a dig.

"I'm bored, bored, bored! I want to travel through time and space and fight monsters and run! If you can't let me then I'll... I'll..." She looked at him hard.

"You'll?" he asked softly.

"I'll have to ask you to take me to Cardiff. I`ll go and work with Jack at Torchwood." His hearts began to sink.

"Is that what you want?" he asked. She looked at him defiantly with just a slight quiver of the lip.

"No," she said after a long pregnant pause, "of course it's not. It's just that I can't go on in this nothingness."

"So you're blackmailing me?"

"It's a harsh word, Doctor. But you're not being fair, keeping me locked up in this bubble. I'm not allowed to do anything but..." She stopped herself then.

"Anything but?" 

"Nothing." He observed her thoughtfully for a while and then he shrugged.

"Okay," he said lightly.

"Okay?" she answered uncertainly.

"Yep," he said popping the p matter of factly.

"What... I... what, Doctor?" She was beginning to panic.

"I said okay, we'll start travelling again." She let out a deep breath and rewarded him with a smile.

"Thank you," she said in a small voice.

"There are rules tough. We stick together." She nodded.

"You never ever wander off alone." She nodded again remembering a long time ago him telling her to never say never ever.

"Safety first."

"Yes."

"You know, it might not be such a bad idea to go and see Jack, if you`re up to it. We could do with stocking up." Rose didn't answer. "We've got to face people sometime, Rose." She looked at him sadly.

"You won't... won't leave me there though, will you?" she asked her head dropping down, chin to chest.

His face softened and he was across the room in two strides gathering her up in his arms.

"That has got to be the worst bluff in history," he laughed into her hair.

"It worked though, didn't it?" He could feel, taste, her body responding to his. Humans were such a sexual species. True he loved physical contact, but this primitive urge she was displaying was really baffling to him. He was capable of feeling desire and lust as much as the next man but he had the ability to control and quash them.

"What do you say?" he asked pulling back from her, "we don't have to tell him   
anything we don`t want to."

"He'll know something's up."

"Well, he can just wonder then, can't he?"

"Okay," she finally said.

Half an hour later they were opening the TARDIS doors by the Water Tower in Cardiff Bay. Within moments Jack emerged on the familiar stone grinning from ear to ear.

"Hello, Dollface, I am digging the hair!" he smiled scooping her up into a tight embrace. Quickly, as was Jacks way, he moved on to the Doctor. Rose felt some relief. Of course, Jack was so self absorbed that he wouldn't notice anything straight away. Only someone who knew her deeply would sense that.

Down inside the depths of Cardiff in the Hub they discovered the tiny frame of Martha Jones jumping about in excitement.

The Doctor laughed and picked her up in a tight hug.

"Martha Jones, so you work for Torchwood now!" Rose felt a little twinge of envy seeing how relaxed he was with her.

"She's not the only one," came a familiar voice from the doorway as Mickey Smith entered the room. He took one quick look at Rose.

"What the Hell happened?" he asked his eyes swivelling round to the Doctor.


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _What if you get off at the next stop? Would you just wave as I was drifting off? And if I never saw you again could I keep it inside?... Natalie Imbrugli_

There was an awkward silence as Jack suddenly became more attentive and really looked at Rose and the Doctor.

"I'm fine... we just hit some trouble a while back, bit dicey. I've not been well as a result... I'm okay now... The Doctor's been looking after me... Really I'm fine..." She grabbed the Doctor's hand tightly and stared at Mickey.

"Yeah, " he said suspiciously, "the Doctor's way of looking after you can be a bit dodgy at the best of times... but if you say you're okay... then it ain't none of my business, is it? Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got places I need to be!" With that he zipped up his jacket, stuffed his hands deep into his jeans pockets and left.

"Well, that went well," said Jack.

"What happened?" asked Martha looking at Rose who looked tearful. Rose looked at the Doctor.

"It's all a bit traumatic... but he fixed me up... really I'm on the mend!"

"Do you want me to examine you?"

"No!" they both said together a bit too hastily arousing even more suspicion.

"No really, just well... we haven't seen anyone for months... just a bit of a culture shock," said Rose and Jack nodded unconvinced.

"Ianto!" he called and then remembered, "damn! He's home with the worst bout of man flu I ever saw... still makes good for rubbing strong smelling ointments on his chest at night!" smiled Jack with a distant look on his face.

"I'll make tea," said Martha lightly and they all moved as one to the comfortable kitchen that had been newly built into the hub.

"Where's Gwen?" asked the Doctor once they were all sat around the table with a steaming mug.

"Long dirty weekend... we've only just finished Earth clear up after Earth Move, Doctor... somebody has to... actually. Still finding odd items that have fallen from the sky. Gwen has hardly seen Rhys, her husband, so I gave her time off. She should pop in later today. How long are you here?"

"Oh, we're just refuelling really... depends on Rose..."

"I think we'll be off tomorrow, won't we Doctor?" He nodded.

"Where 's Donna?" asked Martha.

"Long story," said the Doctor not meeting her eye.

"God, you two aren't giving anything away, are you?" said Jack with a laugh.

So the Doctor explained what had happened and what he had been forced to do to Donna in order to save her life. When he had finished there was silence as everyone reflected on such a fate.

"That'd be awful," said Martha, "taking away all those things, all those wonderful memories of you and travelling, I couldn't bear it! Even the bad stuff was good..." Jack nodded reflecting on all he had gone through on his travels with the Doctor.

The Doctor looked at Rose wondering if she felt the same.

"What about the other? Was it the same for him?" asked Jack quietly.

"Things went wrong for him... yeah, he couldn't cope," said the Doctor evenly, gripping Rose's hand tightly. She said nothing allowing him to take the lead.

"So, where is he?" asked Martha. The Doctor looked into her eyes evenly, using the face you never question.

"He's dead."

"That's so sad..." said Martha automatically.

"Only as sad as that clone of yours that the Sontarans created. She had to go in the end, didn't she?"

"Yeah, but he was good, he helped, didn't he?" 

"Only to save himself, not for the good of mankind... anyway it doesn't matter, he's gone and he never should have happened... let's just leave it at that." There was another silence as Jack and Martha looked at each other knowing they were missing something.

"And your Mum, Rose?"

"Oh, she went back... I've got a little brother over there and an alternate Dad... she's needed there."

"Tough on you though, no Mum, don't know how I'd cope."

"Yeah, well I made my decision a long time ago... she knew that."

"Still, hard on you... particularly if you've not been well... what happened?"

"I... I was... I was attacked..." She looked at the Doctor quickly and looked away. Jack sat up straight and looked at her intently.

"Attacked? How? Who? What?" he said quickly, his eyes darting to the Doctor then back to her.

"Listen," intervened the Doctor, "she really doesn't need to go through it all again, it's fine, she's fine, aren't you Rose? We aren't here to be interrogated."

"Doctor, it's okay..." said Rose quietly moving to touch his arm. "Really, it's been dealt with... I'm just in healing time still... actually Doctor, I think I'll go and have some rest, if that's okay? Really takes it out of you. Perhaps I'm not quite as physically fit as I thought..." 

The Doctor insisted on walking Rose back to the TARDIS which Martha and Jack found surprising in itself.

"I'm sorry..." he said as they emerged back on the surface.

"Stop apologising, you did fine... really it had to be done. They'll move on from it eventually. You don't need to escort me every where, I feel like you're still babysitting me." He chose to ignore this as they entered the TARDIS.

"I didn't expect Mickey..." he said quietly.

"Yeah, well that was a surprise. Let's face it Doctor, you're never going to have done the right thing in his eyes, are you? Given the history."

"He loves you, Rose."

"Doctor, if you say I'd be better off with him..." He looked down at her and his face softened.

"I could take it all away you know, if you want..."

"Don't you dare! Ever!" She looked at him defiantly. "I can cope with the memories because the good ones outweigh the bad ones by far... I would hope that one day we might be able to make more... it's just..."

"Just?" he asked quietly.

"You aren't actually moving on from it, Doctor. I am. It's not me who needs to talk to someone about it, it's you..."


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So slow down. Tell me why you're running. Turn round, let it out and keep it coming. Nothing I can do if I can't get to you. Slow down... Natalie Imbruglia_

"Yes, you may be right, Rose," he said after giving it some thought, "but who do you suggest I actually talk to? A good ear? Jack?"

"No."

"Quite, because I know what advice he'd give." Rose blushed furiously.

"You are the person I confide in Rose and... maybe I would have to... Donna. Everyone's gone... I have no one who would understand... Even my own people would berate me for getting involved with a... different species..."

"All I know is that something's got to give in order for us to move on," said Rose sadly.

"Why do we have to change?"

"Oh, for goodness sake! You sound like a child!"

"Isn't it good, the way we are? It's so uncomplicated, innocent. I love sleeping next to you, hugging you, holding hands... it was enough for you before..."

"No... it wasn't... I wanted more... I always wanted more! It's really enough for you? Don`t you have physical needs?"

"It's different for me. We have... desires on different levels."

"Time Lords don't have sex?"

"Yes, we do... but it's more than that... it's a matching of souls as well. A total commitment. A combining of body and souls."

"And you don't want that?"

"Rose, you would need to understand so much more... you would need to be educated about my customs. You would need to study Gallifreyan tradition..."

"What like a Conversion?"

"Sort of... but you would have to be so commited..."

"And you don't think I'm up to it? That's it, isn't it?"

"Rose... there's no going back when you've bound yourself... it really is forever... I've never even done it completely myself... I just remember how horrified you were when you found out the TARDIS was in your head... I'd be there all the time!"

"Why do you think I don't understand the meaning of forever? I mean, I know my forever is a lot shorter than yours but it doesn't make it any the less meaningful... well, to me. I was cross because it felt like you had allowed the TARDIS into my head without my permission... I didn't understand. I never complained about it since!"

"But... this is huge..." The Doctor was pulling back.

"And I'm not capable? Worthy? What?" She could feel the anger beginning to bubble inside her. He said nothing, just stared at her trying to compute what she was asking.

"Doctor, if you want me as a partner in any kind of sense of forever, you need to get out of the big hole you've dug yourself and start communicating with me properly. Now, I think you've got a lot of thinking to do and I need to calm down... I'm going to my room." She stared at him and he nodded knowing that she wanted to be left alone. 

He watched her walk out of the room with his head buzzing. She wanted to understand him? She wanted to become his equal? Oh, how pompous he sounded sometimes, he knew, but that was just how it was. He was top of the tree and sometimes it was hard to see people on the same level. They were far more important, but intellectually inferior. This was going to need some thought.

Rose sat in her room seething. How dare he just assume she wasn't capable of feeling as strongly or as permanently as him! Didn't he know? Couldn't he feel? She had committed to him in so many ways already... way more than he had! Perhaps that was it. Perhaps he didn't feel as permanent about it?

She moved to the bathroom and put on the shower.

"Stupid man!" she shouted out loud letting the rushing water drown out the sound, "stupid, stupid, pompous, arrogant Time Lord!" She undressed and got in the shower and had a good angry cry.

The Doctor heard her shout something but he couldn't make out what it was. He looked at the controls. He could just let her go. He could leave her here when she was out of the TARDIS. Just take off, never come back to this century again. Live a different life. On his own. Park Rose in the back of his head and live the rest of days as he had those two years without her. 

In utter misery. He couldn't do that to her. Couldn't run from Rose. He was terrified, but he couldn't do that to her.

He crouched down and fiddled with some loose wires under the console, trying to take his mind off it. He heard the doors open and looked over the console desk. There stood Mickey looking like thunder. He stood up.

"She about?" he asked abruptly.

"In the shower..." Mickey stood there glaring at him with his arms folded.

"You gonna tell me what happened then?" he asked with some aggression. The Doctor looked at him considering.

"Well... Mickey, I'm sure if Rose wants you to know..."

"Jack told me she was attacked... by who?" The Doctor said nothing.

"And he also told me that the other one, the human one is dead... strange..."

"Look... Mickey," said the Doctor walking towards him.

"I got to putting two and two together... you know?" The Doctor stopped still. Not such an idiot then. The look on his face was enough confirmation from Mickey.

He hit him... hard. The Doctor went down blood spurting from his nose.

"Get up! Go on get up!" shouted Mickey. The Doctor got up and again Mickey hit him. Again the Doctor went down and again the Doctor got up. Swing after swing Mickey took at him, his face becoming a bruised bloody wreck.

"Why won't you fight back, you bastard?" yelled Mickey.

At that moment Martha walked through the door.

"Mickey!" she yelled rushing towards them. Rose appeared in the corridor entrance in a bathrobe.

"Stop!" They both restrained him.

"Been wanting to do that for years... finally had the right reason," he panted staring at the Doctor on the floor. Martha helped him up and led him away to the infirmary.

Rose sat down on the pilot seat.

"What were you thinking, Mickey?"

"I put two and two together." Her eyes dropped down, then she pulled them back up.

"It wasn't him."

"As good as!"

"No... not him... never."

"But he was the same."

"No, he was not... not at all."

"Well, he put you in danger!"

"Not knowingly."

"Rose... you can't possibly..."

"Mickey... I love him... I always have."


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Fallen three times in a row, waking up with vertigo. But you were there to break my fall before I had to face it all... Natalie Imbruglia_

"Why did you let him?" she said dabbing at his wounds.

"I sort of felt I deserved it."

"You`re such a martyr, you. Why do you think that?" He looked into her eyes and dabbed a tissue to his bleeding nose.

"For a brilliant Time Lord, you're a really stupid man!" she muttered.

"You've been talking to Rose."

"No, I haven't... I intend to. It doesn't tale a genius to work it out though..."

"Oh, I was beginning to think I had misjudged Mickey..." They were quiet for a while.

"You love her, right?" He nodded. "She's like, the one... and she feels the same?" There was silence again.

"She's a human female, Doctor. Her needs are emotionally complex but physically basic. She needs to feel wanted. She needs to feel that you don't see her as broken. You seem so detached from her. She loves you so much... you can see it."

"I love her, Martha." Martha's heart drooped a little.

"So, why are you holding back?"

"I'm scared," he said quietly.

"Scared? Of what?"

"Scared of her getting hurt. Scared of her finding me repulsive. I don't want to make it worse."

"You're not going to make it better like this."

"How do I make it better, Martha?"

"You try, you listen to what Rose wants. Don't just suspend everything." Mickey appeared in the doorway looking sheepish.

"Look, I sort of got carried away... I didn't... I just..."

"It's okay Mickey, I understand... it was very... honourable..." Mickey nodded.

"I only want what's right for Rose..."

"Me too..." The Doctor's eye was beginning to puff up.

"She seems to think that the only thing that is right for her is you." The Doctor didn't say anything.

******

Jack walked into the console room with Gwen.

"Wow! It's bigger on the inside!" she exclaimed. Rose was still sat on the pilot seat.

"Hey Rose," he smiled then caught something in her face, "what's up?"

"Hello, Rose," said Gwen with a shy smile, "nice to meet you in person, finally!" Her voice was sweet, like honey with that musical Welsh accent. Rose thought of Gwyneth, she _was_ the spitting image.

Martha appeared from the corridors. Rose jumped up.

"Is he... is he alright?"

"What's going on?" asked Jack slowly. Martha ignored him.

"He's fine... just a bit of bruising. He's assured me his superior Time Lord system will deal with it in next to no time. Looks like Rocky though!"

"What's happened?" asked Jack.

"Mickey went a bit mental," said Martha not taking her eyes off Rose.

"What?"

"He took a few swings at the Doctor."

"Am I missing something here?" he said as he made his way towards the corridors.

******

 

"It was awful, Mickey," said the Doctor, "I've seen some bad things, but that was undoubtedly the worst." They were sat side by side on the examination bed. "I'm finding it so hard to get past that image, my Rose... our Rose... lying there broken by a man with my face." Mickey didn't say anything just looked down at his grazed knuckles.

"People keep saying I'm too reserved and blaming the Time Lord in me. I don't think many ordinary men could get past that."

"Yeah, but it's _Rose_ , isn't it? She's tough, a survivor, a fighter. She wouldn't want the bad guy to win. He would have won if her life didn't move on. I mean, what do you think Rose wants?"

"Well... she... Rose wants... me" Mickey nodded.

"I think you should give her what she wants then. Time to commit, Doctor. Time to give Rose some promises you mean to keep."

"What are you saying, Mickey?"

"Oh, you know what I'm saying, Boss!"

Jack walked in.

"Oh my God! What in Christ happened? I thought you twos had ironed out your differences! Is anyone going to tell me what the hell is going on?"

"Just a bit of old rivalry got out of the way, Jack," said the Doctor calmly getting up and opening a drawer. He pulled a bottle out and sprinkled some of the contents onto his hands. It glowed bright yellow with tiny little speckles floating around inside it. He spread it over his face and handed the bottle to Mickey.

"For your hands..."

Jack looked at the Doctor's face and then at Mickey.

"You Mickey Smith, are one lucky guy! Do you know what he could have done to you?"

"No, Mickey beat me fair and square!"

"Doctor, you didn't fight back!" Jack opened his mouth to ask what was going on but his phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out and flipped it open.

"Ianto! Speak! Yes...yes...right...we're on it!" He hung up.

"Okay... we've got a situation... there's something down at the old warehouses on the Eastern side... something big... You fit Doctor?" The Doctor's face was already healing nicely.

"Yeah, I'm in."

"Well, the girls are up front. Do we take the TARDIS? Element of surprise?"

"Yeah, she's fuelled and ready to go!" said the Doctor with a small smile.

As they walked up the corridor the Doctor looked at Jack.

"I'd rather Rose didn't get involved." Jack looked sideways at the Doctor.

"Sorry, no can do. This is Rose we're talking about, right? I mean don't you think she'd have something to say about it? She's a capable girl who loves this kinda thing, you can't possibly decide! It strikes me that whatever you're trying to protect her from has already happened!"

They walked into the console room and Gwen started to fidget when she saw the Doctor. Rose jumped up to inspect the damage.

"It`s okay, I'm using nano-genes to speed it up, " he said as she touched his swollen, but less swollen, eye.

"You should have stopped him," she murmured.

"No, it did me good. He's knocked some sense into me!" He turned to the rest of the group.

"Right then!" he said clapping his hands together. "Gwen... hello. Are you ready for your first ride in the TARDIS? Oh look! Six of us! Brilliant! Molto Bene!" Rose smiled. Her Doctor was in the TARDIS. Jack laughed.

"Ianto's going to be so pissed at me!" The Doctor positioned them all around the console. Rose couldn't help but smile at the way Gwen simpered as the Doctor showed her which buttons to press. Even with his face still quite bruised.

"It's only a short flight, but we might as well enjoy it!" said the Doctor taking his position beside Rose. He nodded to her and she pushed the lever back. The TARDIS moved gracefully. The Doctor looked into Rose's eyes, his bruised face glowing. She felt like singing. Was it the adrenalin or was he coming back to her?

As soon as it began, the journey was over. They emerged out of the TARDIS on to a dirty little back alley. Gwen's face was a picture.

"We really moved!"

"Shh!" hissed Jack raising his gun looking every which way. Mickey and Gwen followed suit.

"Put your guns away until we know what we're dealing with!" ordered the Doctor. Jack and Mickey instantly put their weapons away. Jack nodded at Gwen.

"See who's in charge then, " said Gwen breathlessly.

"Nobody higher than him, Gwen, remember that. He answers to no one."

"Any... way..." said the Doctor not comfortable with the way the conversation was going.

Suddenly they heard a great commotion. Something very large was coming their way from the other end of the alley. The Doctor grabbed Rose's hand.

"Run!" he shouted to all.


	17. Chapter 17

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Hurricane, you pulled me out of the past and landed me in today. Hurricane, you pulled me out of the past and walked me into tomorrow. Hurricane... Natalie Umbruglia_

The large thing, whatever it was, was coming at them at speed.

The Doctor held tightly on to Rose's hand as he flicked his head around to see where everyone was. Jack, Gwen and Mickey were right behind running with great power but Martha was lagging behind. Why, oh why did she insist on wearing those ridiculous heels?

The thing behind them was a huge black mass that looked like a massive ball of dense smoke.

"Jack!" shouted, the Doctor indicating Martha. He nodded, pulled back and grabbed Martha's hand and shot off to the left.

The blackness that was descending faltered and then split chasing both parties. This left it considerably smaller. The chase continued.

"It's diminished if we split!" roared the Doctor. Immediately Gwen and Mickey veered off in different directions. Again the thing split in to three more parts.

The Doctor felt Rose trying to slip her hand out of his but he gripped it even tighter. He saw a door on one side of the building and shot them through it sealing it with his Sonic Screwdriver.

They were in a tiny storage closet. She was panting hard and he pulled her closely into him to muffle the sound of her heavy breaths.

There was a slow rumbling outside. They paused there for what seemed like ages. A shadow flickered past the light under the door, then it rumbled away.

"Doctor?" whispered Rose into his chest. He didn't answer, all he was aware of was the beating of their three pulses against each other. The adrenalin vibrated through the pair of them.

"Doctor... what about..." But he hushed her with his lips. She hesitated for a split second and then returned the kiss hungrily.

He tasted of cinnamon and ginger and him. The smell of engine oil and smoke and things she couldn't define, permeated her nostrils. Her whole body felt alive as every nerve responded to him.

He hadn't given it any thought. It was a reflex, a way to keep her quiet. But she tasted so good. Sweet and young, like a tender fruit. He could stay here forever. This could be his Nirvana. Rose's sweet, soft lips upon his.

It was the noises that bought them back to Earth. There was shouting at the other end of the warehouse and gunshot echoed all around.

He breathed into her hair, both of them now panting, but for an entirely different reason.

"Look at us... snogging in a cupboard while our friends are in danger!" he whispered. They reluctantly pulled apart and opened the door.

"If we can trick it into splitting we can reduce its size and catch it!" He said quietly. He pulled out his Sonic Screwdriver and adjusted its setting. He shot out a blue beam and a projected image of Rose and himself stood before them. Jack came running round the corner.

"Doctor, it keeps rejoining... and it's getting bigger!" he said, stopping.

"Yeah, we have to split it and capture it as it divides. We can contain it if it's small enough. Where's everyone else?"

"Still running, guns don't work!" The Doctor was rummaging through his deep coat pockets. Finally, he produced a roll of tin foil.

"Knew that would come in handy!" he smiled. His face lit up as he unravelled sheets of it and separated it into squares. "If we use this to wrap it, it should contain it and capture it bit by bit."

"Okay, I'll take the left!" said Jack.

"No, we run together!" commanded the Doctor, "you have to be the detour, Jack... then I can confuse it with images of us in different directions... Where's Martha?" Rose, who was beginning to wonder why the Doctor continued to hold onto her so tightly, looked up. She felt a shaming twinge of jealousy pooling inside her. The Doctor's head flicked towards her as if he knew.

"She's not as fast as us... more likely to be caught!" he explained.

"I don't know where she is, ran off in that direction when we all started to divide." said Jack pointing somewhere behind them. Rose finally managed to slip her hand free and started off in the direction he had pointed.

"Rose!" called the Doctor.

"I'll find Martha... behind you, Doctor!" She disappeared between some boxes. The Doctor and Jack swung around and immediately raced off together.

As soon as they had got up some speed they saw Mickey hurtling towards them.

"Coming this way!" he yelled and turned a sharp left. The Doctor pulled out his Sonic and projected an image of Jack running in the opposite direction. In the slight hesitation, as the thing divided, the Doctor swooped forward and wrapped the smallest piece in foil, balling it into his fist. The rest of the thing turned on him and Jack moved back into vision. Again the thing separated and again the Doctor swooped forward and balled a piece of it in foil.

It wasn't long before he was holding several crumpled balls of foil in his pockets.

"Come on !" he shouted as the remains of the thing started to retreat. There was a commotion coming from the centre of the warehouse and it was making it's way there.

They came into a large clearing right in the middle. Mickey and Gwen were crouched down behind some boxes. There was no sign of Martha and Rose. The remains of the thing they were chasing fused with the remains of the rest and turned on Jack. It was a little bit larger than him and now looked as if it had arms which it put out to him, as if to engulf him.

As it pounced towards him a shout ensued from above and a large jet of white foam sprayed down upon it. The smoke cleared and left behind a strange creature.

It was completely black, bar it's bright red large round eyes and its long yellow teeth. It stood about six and half feet high. Jack pulled out some cuffs and restrained it. 

Everyone looked up to see Martha and Rose standing on top of a large pile of packing cases holding a fire extinguisher between them.

"They are for putting out fires!" grinned Martha.


	18. Chapter 18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I left the me I used to be. I wanna see this through. I left the me I used to be, if only you could see it too. Well I wonder what you've become, you pull me back when I try to run... Natalie Imbruglia_

As they made their way back to the TARDIS a muscle was pumping in the Doctor's cheek.

Rose walked with Martha but every now and then she stole a quick glance at him. She knew he was angry but she didn't regret it. He would have to learn.

Jack was pushing the dampened creature in front of him.

"I've never seen anything like it before!" The Doctor glared at him disturbed from his stormy thoughts.

"Yeah, well they tend to hunt way out in space, usually just a whisper of smoke. This had got a bit out of hand." He spoke strange words to the creature who replied weakly to him.

"He was pulled into the darkness and panicked. Saw the light form the rift and dived in. He's lost."

"Why won't the TARDIS translate?" asked Rose. The Doctor glared at her.

"Because the Keezheekoni have particularly foul mouths and the TARDIS is a bit prudish when it comes to certain things!" said the Doctor tartly.

When they stepped inside the Keezheekon gazed in wonder around it and then looked at the Doctor with renewed respect. The Doctor spoke with him again and nodded.

"I can take him back to his hunting grounds..." he said to Jack as they started to leave the TARDIS for the hub. He looked at Rose.

"I won't be long."

"Can't I come too?" she asked, beginning to panic.

"No... I need to... think. I'll be back soon. Then we can talk." Rose nodded sadly as a lump rose in her throat.

"Doctor, don't..."

"I will be back. I promise." He shut the door and seconds later the TARDIS disappeared leaving Rose standing there, her mouth open.

Jack walked over to her and put his arm around her. Then he steered her towards the hub lift. Martha, Mickey and Gwen followed behind exchanging glances.

When they were downstairs Gwen went off to make tea. Mickey was getting angry.

"See Rose... he's always taking off. Soon as he can't handle it."

"Shut up, Mickey!" she spat.

"I don't see what the problem was..." said Martha. Rose looked at her.

"Because he can't let me out of his sight. Because he's so worried something bad might happen to me again if he's not there. He wants to keep me on a chain!" Jack said nothing, just sat there listening.

"What's he buggered off for then?" said Mickey.

"For some space..." said Rose.

"Space in Space," murmured Jack. They all looked at him. "Come on...he's coming back, Rose. There is no way he isn't gonna work through this without you. he's totally committed to you... even more so now!"

"You think? Commitment... that's such a big word for a man like him."

"Rose, he's a Time Lord... no... more than that... he's the last of the Time Lords. You are his weakness. You make him vulnerable. For a man in his position, it's not a good place to be. He has to get his head round the fact that while you're his companion you will always be a target."

"Then maybe he feels that it's better that I'm not with him!" she said bluntly.

"No, he doesn't," said Mickey and Martha nodded her head emphatically in agreement.

"No Rose, there's no way he's losing you again!"

"He was prepared to leave me in the other universe with him..."

"He thought it was the solution," said Martha," he made a terrible mistake..." Jack was taking it in and finally he pieced it all together and had worked it out properly. He stood up, walked over to Rose, pulled her into his arms and squeezed her tightly.

"Oh Rose!" he whispered shakily into her hair.

"I'm fine Jack, really... I can handle it now. It's him, he's giving himself the hardest time."

"Rose, can I just explain something to you?" 

"You can try, Jack, but I'm just a stupid jeopardy friendly ape. And a target to boot! I'll probably never understand."

"We're all stupid apes here," he smiled. He led her to his private quarters and they sat down.

"Time Lords," he said after some thought, "Gallifreyans... they were telepaths, you know that?"

"Yeah, kind of. I mean I know the Doctor can read people's minds."

"Yes... all his people were like that. Their way of communicating their feelings was by telepathy. The Doctor must feel very lost with no links to grasp onto."

"That's why he relies on the TARDIS so much?" Jack nodded. They sat for a while deep in thought.

"Time Lords and sex. It's a very strange thing. They felt that they were above that sort of thing. Leave it to us animals and used their superior minds instead. I mean telepathic bonding... really literally can be mind blowing. It's great."

"I don't understand, if they didn't... you know... well how did they have babies?"

"They made them, in test tubes... then grew them on looms for the gestation. It meant that women didn't have to go through something as base as childbirth and the babies started their educations right from conception."

"But, the Doctor, he has..."

"Oh, there were underground movements... students will always experiment. Later on in the Empire it was considered acceptable for bonded couples to copulate recreationally."

"You sound like the Doctor."

"Maybe because I'm telling you what I've read. Text book, not theory."

"Makes a change," she smiled. He grinned back.

"What I'm trying to say Rose, is that he would have a very hard time actually understanding the actions that happened, let alone the idea of feeling what you must have gone through. The Doctor is an open minded man, but something like this... it would send him bolting back to hide in the old beliefs. Because of the damage he saw caused by the actions."

"So he doesn't want me?"

"Oh no, he wants you... he wants you in every way, he always has. He just has to work it all out."

"So, what's your point?"

"He would never do a thing like that."

"I know that!"

"And he wants to protect you... make sure nothing like it happens again."

"Yes... he hasn't let me out of his sight since it happened, not outside of the TARDIS, until now."

"When you slipped away to find Martha you made him angry."

"So? He can't molly-coddle me!"

"No, he can't. You're right and he knows that... but he's angry with you for it."

"Yes... and?" She was getting annoyed with him.

"He's frightened of being angry in front of you. He's worried that you might get scared... that you might think..."

"Never! I wouldn't, he must know I couldn't!" she gasped realising exactly what Jack was getting at.

"I think you need to let him know that." 

"How do I do that?" she asked. Jack leaned forward.

"I think you and him need a proper argument. Clear the air. You should lose your temper with him. Push some buttons. It would be good for both of you." Rose stared at him open mouthed.

There was a knock at the door and Martha poked her head in.

"TARDIS is back!" she smiled.


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The wolf has caught the chicken and now I feel unsteady. Emotions on the blink again so kick me when you're ready... Natalie Imbruglia_

The Doctor arrived in the Hub at exactly the same time as Jack and Rose emerged, arm in arm, from Jack's private quarters.

His face was expressionless as Jack planted a kiss on Rose's upturned mouth. Only the tale-tell muscle twitching in his cheek gave him away.

"Time we were off..." he muttered to no one in particular.

Martha and Mickey exchanged glances and Jack's hand patted Rose's back in comfort.

"Fine," said Rose and started to make her way to the lift.

Out on the Plas beside the TARDIS, the Doctor nodded curtly to them, hugged Martha briefly then entered the TARDIS.

"What the hell?" said Mickey his eyes flashing angrily at Rose.

"Leave it, Mickey, it's fine... nothing I can't handle, okay... see you soon." She kissed him on the cheek and moved to Martha.

"Blimey! I thought he was a misery because you weren't there! Turns out he's just a misery!"

"Yeah... something's gotta give!" said Rose with a smile. The two women hugged.

"Seriously though... if you need me just give me a call! Long girly chats on the mobiles, he can pay!"

"Martha, you're great... thanks for looking after him when I wasn't there..."

"Well... I can't say that my intentions were entirely in your favour at first... but it soon became quite obvious I was hitting my head against a brick wall!"

"Tell me about it," muttered Mickey which gained him a hard stare from Rose.

"You are the strongest person I know, Rose Tyler. You will soon have him whipped into shape... he's a lucky guy!" Jack pulled her into his arms and squeezed her hard. The TARDIS whined impatiently.

"Stupid Time Lord," she whispered in Jack's ear.

"He's a lucky man!" She kissed him on the lips, glaring at the TARDIS, knowing the Doctor would be watching on screen. Then she took a deep breath and pushed the doors open.

Inside, she shut the doors and turned to his steady gaze at the console.

"What?" he said arrogantly.

"You're an ignorant pig, that's what!" she snapped.

"I just don't like staying in one place too long... I get restless!"

"Bollocks!"

"Sorry?"

"You bloody well should be! Those are our friends out there! We haven't got too many of them left, you know? You should treat them with just a little bit of respect!"

"What, like you, all over them?" he sneered.

"You're jealous? You are turning into the most possessive man I've ever known!"

"I was looking out for you!"

"That's the trouble, isn't it Doctor? You can't trust me to look after myself at all and now you don't trust anyone else with me either!"

"Well... I get proved right over and over!"

"Why do you even bother letting me out my cage?"

"You don't have to stay, Rose, I'm not forcing you," he said softly, at which she squealed loudly and stormed down the corridors. It took a few moments for him to follow her.

He found her in the galley bumping around through cupboards and putting various ingredients on the table heavily. He stood in the doorway watching her for a while. Then curiosity got the better of him.

"Rose... what are you doing?"

"What does it look like?" he said nothing but continued to watch her whirl through the room gathering certain, but very definite, items.

"Three things my mother used to do if she got angry. One, hit out... not gonna happen. Two, clean... TARDIS sees to that. Three, bake... I'm bloody baking Mr. Idiot Time Lord, in true Tyler sense!" With that she pulled out a large bag of flour and plonked it on the table. A great mushroom cloud of fine white dust erupted from the open bag and ballooned around the room covering Rose from top to toe.

There was a moments silence as the dust settled, then the Doctor couldn't help himself. A loud guffaw escaped him, which was not his best move. Never laugh at an irate Tyler. Rose saw red, she grabbed at the nearest object to her and hurled it across the room at him. An egg landed and cracked hard on the Doctor's head. But before he could focus another was whizzing through the air at him, then another, and another.

He moved towards Rose swiftly, his only intent to stop her throwing eggs, or anything else at him. He was covered in egg whites and yolk by the time he reached her. He grabbed her wrists and pulled her arms up over her head to stop her.

Instinctively Rose's knee came up and she pushed into his groin as hard as she could. He buckled and fell backwards taking her with him. She straddled him on the floor and held his arms above his head.

"Don't you ever, ever, ever grab me like that again! You hear?"

"Yes!" he squeaked.

"You are so weak! Hiding behind your loneliness, never letting yourself go. Not seeing everything you need is right in front of you! You always run from me! Maybe I should take the message? Always leaving me... always me finding my way back to you! Perhaps you just really don't want me around? You're just feeling guilty about what happened!" She stopped for breath and he made no attempt to respond or move so she continued.

"And all the time I thought... but now I see it... ever since Sarah Jane. I was no one, just a person to take along. It could have been anyone. Even when you first thought I was gone you had a new model lined up! Lynda with a y hanging on your leather jacket! Oh, and then there was Reinette!"

"That was nothing!" he panted in a whisper.

"Nothing! Nothing? You invited her along!"

"You had Mickey!"

"I didn't want him there! You said he could come! You cared about her!"

"I care about everyone!"

"You wanted her!"

"I... she was company."

"What did that make me, then? A pet? You kept me out of guilt about whatever went on at the games station! And now because of..."

"Rose! Don't, you don't know what you're saying! You're angry!"

"Angry! God I could go through the alphabet and find better words to describe you starting with arrogant, inadequate..."

"I think you'll find that begins with an i, Rose..."

"Arsehole!"

"And what do you mean inadequate?"

"You don't want to go there... really you don't! Literally!"

"Rose... Lynda attached herself to me... it was you I saved... I told her to go... she just didn't. Reinette, well that threw me. She got inside my head... do you know how long that's been? For a person like me it is so lonely up there. Then I felt so guilty for making promises I couldn't, nor really intended, to keep!"

"What was wrong with my head?"

"You made that perfectly clear our first trip! When you realised that the TARDIS got inside your head to translate!"

"Doctor, at that point you were a stranger! All you had to do was ask!"

"Seriously?" Everything had calmed down and Rose looked at him more softly, seeing the vulnerability in his eyes.

"Yes... if that is what you need, then let me..."

"Oh Rose, do you know what it would mean if we did that?" She moved slowly on his lap, a small smile budding on her lips.

"As much to me if we did what your body so obviously wants to do with me!"


	20. Chapter 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _And it's okay and I'm small and I'm divine and it's beautiful and it's coming but it's already here and it's absolutely perfect... Natalie Imbruglia_

There was a long pause as the Doctor took in what Rose was pointing out. They were both covered in egg and flour. Rose was smiling very slightly and her eyes had darkened.

"Rose?" he faltered.

"Yes, Doctor?" she asked breathlessly.

"I..." He trailed off not knowing what to say. Then he sat up so they were facing each other. He still said nothing, just studied her face, as she did his. Then he put his arms around her and stood up in one fluid movement. He moved her legs around so she was sitting in his arms and moved for the door.

"Doctor?" she asked him, puzzled. He looked at her and smiled.

"You know, whatever is about to take place between us, Rose, it can't when we're covered in your baking ingredients!" She thought, first that it wouldn't have mattered; then she slung her arms around his neck and allowed herself the luxury of excitement to coarse through her. She knew he would be able to sense her body's messages but she no longer cared.

At his bedroom door, she leaned down and twisted the knob. The door swung open and revealed the room not quite as either of them remembered it. The bed was much bigger for a start and there had never been any candles, she was sure.

"I think the TARDIS might have been in to set the scene," he said to her questioning face. As he pushed the bathroom door open he sent a mental 'do not disturb' sign to the TARDIS, who obediently left their presence which cleared his head.

More work had gone on in the bathroom. The bath had grown and been filled with vanilla musk scented bubbles. There were also lots more lit candles. 

The Doctor gently put Rose to her feet, their faces remained close to one another's. He rested his head on hers.

"Rose... if we do this... we bond... I become yours... you become mine... there would be no going back. It's for life... more then marriage."

"I said I was gonna be with you forever." The words of their forevers not matching no longer seemed to matter. Now was what mattered.

"You understand this?" he asked again.

"Perfectly... I want this... have wanted this more than anything I've ever wanted!"

"Okay... so when we bond our minds will merge... you will know my thoughts... my feelings... my memories. And I will know yours. If there is anything you don't want me to..." She interrupted him.

"No, Doctor! No doors. I have nothing to hide... I want you to know everything about me!" He pulled back and looked into her eyes, tears glistening in his; then he nodded and his hands moved to his tie.

She watched as he removed the flour covered piece of silk and chucked it into the corner of the room and shrugged his jacket to the floor. Then his fingers, slightly trembling, started to undo his shirt buttons.

Rose paused for a moment longer, then sprung into action, unzipping her jacket and slipping it down her goose bumped arms. She pulled off her vest top as he removed his shirt, then she put her hands around her back, unclasped her bra and let it drop to her feet. Now they both stood topless staring at each other. She had never seen so much of the Doctor's skin before and it surprised her how much it excited her. She moved to touch him but he shook his head and undid his waistband button. Rose's eyes fluttered down and then back up to his face. She immediately followed suit. They took down their trousers at the same time and kicked them away. Then he took her hand and moved with her to the bath.

He stood behind her and removed her underwear and then his own. They stayed there for a while savouring the moment of anticipation. Then she stepped into the bath and sat down and he followed her actions. 

They sat opposite each other in the bath as he grabbed a sponge and began to wash away the flour and eggs from her hair and face and anywhere else it might have got. His eyes followed the trails of water tracking down her body and she smiled as his eyes darkened even more.

"Come here," he whispered and she moved into his arms, their wet bodies sliding on each other as he laid back in the bath. They stayed in this position for a while getting used to the feel of each others naked bodies until she picked up the sponge and washed the egg and flour from his hair. He smiled as water poured down his face.

"I love you, Rose Tyler," he murmured when she stopped. She smiled at him shyly.

"Show me then."

He gently placed his fingers to her temples and slipped in to her head. She sucked in a breath and dropped the sponge her fingers instinctively reaching for his temples.

"Don't battle to get in Rose, just relax..." She was aware of a dark dragging feeling then, like a door opening, she moved inside his head.

"You're here, Rose, " he whispered and she wasn't even sure if he had spoken the words. In amongst his head she felt so much pain and loneliness, so much, stretching well before her few years. A long way off she could see a golden glowing of light and moved towards it. As she did it moved towards her until she met with it. It rolled around her giving her a feeling of warmth and homecoming.

She opened her eyes to find the Doctor staring into hers.

"This is us... inside our heads... always together. Whenever you need me, want me, this is where you'll find me and I you..." He was crying as he spoke and Rose leaned into him and kissed away his tears. 

"You can see how much I love you now," she whispered and he nodded and stole her lips. She returned his kiss gently aware that they were still hovering around inside each others heads. She felt her body moving over his and looked deep into his eyes again her need showing in hers.

"Rose..." he whispered.

"Please, Doctor," she answered. His hands left her head but the connection didn't break as he moved into her. She pushed herself down onto him and stopped. They were connected in mind, body and soul.

Gradually their bodies began to move together. There was nothing fast nor urgent about it. It was a gentle joining of their love. They were inside each other and as they made love to each other the memories of their time together floated through their heads.

That first time he sent the TARDIS away with her inside. She knew how much he felt, he saw how broken she had become. The fear of what she had done to return to him and the shock of what he had done to save his love. 

As she moved on top of him tears spilled for that funny northern man who was still this man, but not. He smiled at her, impressed by her loyalty. The happy and scary moments they had had drifted through until they got to that wall. She could feel herself tense as she experienced his side of it and he hers. The desperation and hurt she felt on the beach that first time and how his hearts ached standing alone in the TARDIS.

These pains healed as they visited them because they knew that they would rather die than ever be separated again. They both chose to avoid other darker memories for now, though the need to visit them would happen, but not now. 

Then they left all memories behind and moved onto a different step of their bonding. All they were aware of was soft warm breezes moving around them and colours flashing through them. The only sound she could hear was the gentle lapping of the bathwater and the sighs of two people making love.

"Rose..." She opened her eyes and looked into his. There was an urgency in them that she had never seen and she nodded to him as he silently pleaded with her.

He moved quickly rolling her over onto her back and pushing into her until she cried out. She could feel herself building higher and higher until her whole body felt like it was exploding into thousands of bright sparkling lights. She shouted in ecstasy as she climaxed shuddering against him and then he joined her thrusting into her a few more times and calling her name over and over telling her how much he loved her.

He stilled, panting and laughing but remaining inside her.

"Thank you," she whispered looking up at him.

"You don't need to thank me!"

"No... I want to thank you."

"Oh, me too, Rose... you don't know how lonely it's been!"

"Ummm... actually... yes I do now, I really do!"

"Oh, yes, you do! That'll take some getting used to!"

"Will it always be like that?"

"What bonding or making love?"

"Well... don't they come together?"

"No not always... telepathy is fantastic and there's certainly much to explore both sexually and not... but sex, weell... I certainly want to do lots more exploring there. I want you in my bed... every night... you're going to get fed up of me..." By now he had rolled off her and they were lying side by side in that gigantic tub.

"Never!" she laughed and hauled herself out of the bath.

"Rose?" he questioned, his eyes skimming her wet, naked body. She turned and looked at him with a cheeky grin.

"You said you wanted me in your bed, though I rather think it might be our bed now! So, that's where I'll be!" With that she ran naked and dripping and jumped into the luxurious oversized bed. 

He followed her within seconds.


	21. Chapter 21

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So this is what it feels like. This is how it feels when you're finally walking on the inside. This is what it looks like. This is how it looks from the outside staring in. And its glorious just to laugh like us and the world will turn, it will never stop... Natalie Imbruglia_

Rose woke up feeling wonderfully relaxed. She yawned and stretched, taking in her surroundings and grinning to herself. She pieced together the events that brought her to this wonderful place.

She smiled and moved onto her side to look at her sleeping Timelord. Her. Sleeping. Timelord. None of this would have quite computed a few weeks ago. He was hers. He was sleeping. She couldn't remember the last time she had actually seen him sleeping so peacefully and contentedly, if she ever had. That made her feel proud of herself. 

She moved closer to him wanting to share in his dreams. She hesitated for a moment and then touched his temple lightly, falling into his head easily. He was standing smiling at her.

"That's a bit cheeky... this is my dream, Rose Tyler." She smiled at him and found herself walking towards him.

"You don't mind really?" she asked, taking his hand.

"No... but be careful ferreting around in this old head on your own... there are some pretty nasty things lurking!"

"Sounds like old times!" she said but found she just wanted to be with him, didn't need to pursue anything without him.

"Scared?" he asked after a while as they walked on what appeared to be red grass.

"No... just want to be with you." He nodded and smiled. They wandered around a beautiful place inside his head. The grass was indeed red and there were beautiful trees with silver leaves reflecting in the light of two suns. In the distance she could see mountains and farther on a great dome covering what looked like some kind of city.

"Where are we?" she asked after some time.

"Don't you know, Rose?" he asked sadly. And she found that she did.

"It's so beautiful..." she whispered and saw tears falling from his eyes. She pulled him to her. "Don't cry, this is supposed to be a happy time."

"It is, Rose, I haven't been able to dream of this place without the war taking it apart and my people too. You have given me back my happy place and better still, you are here with me." He pulled her into his arms and woke up.

"Morning," she whispered, taking her fingers from his temples.

"That was a bit cheeky, Rose Tyler! And a bit clever!" He pulled her closer still and watched as she grimaced slightly. His face altered and he looked concerned.

"What's the matter, are you in pain?" he asked.

"Just a little, my thighs ache..." 

He started to grin. "Why's that then?" He smirked.

"Think it might be something to do with using muscles I haven't used in a long time!"

"Ah, well, we'll soon get you toned up!"

"Why are you grinning like a Cheshire cat?"

"Weell... eels good. I literally shagged you sore last night, makes me feel manly!"

"I can't believe you just said that!" she gasped, but a smile was playing on her lips.

"I wonder if there is anything I could do to help ease the pain?" he teased.

"Mmmm... think I could use a Doctor," she ricocheted back.

"I... could... kiss it better?"

"That might help..." He whipped the covers off her body and ducked down planting gentle kisses on her aching thighs.

"It's about time I put it to good use," she whispered.

"What?" he asked, looking up at her.

"That impossible teasing tongue!"

"Rose Tyler... you ever catch sight of your own tongue?"

"You calling me a tease, Doctor?"

"No. I'm just saying there ought to be laws against that sort of temptation!"

"Ditto, Doctor... your tongue has caused me quite a lot of..." but her words were lost as he decided to put his tongue to better use.

Later they lay in the rumpled bed in an afterglow of sweet, sweaty sex.

"I could stay here forever," he said, smiling at the ceiling.

"Yeah, well, I'm hungry, so no can do!"

"Human weakness, that. I can go for days without food!"

"That why you're so skinny then?" she teased, leaned over and kissed his ribs. Then she caught sight of a cloud on his face. 

"What? Don't start worrying about how long we've got. You could waste our lives away like that!"

"But... you know Rose, human life is expanded remarkably longer over the next few millennia. I was thinking... we could, maybe, look into it?"

"Really? Wouldn't that be meddling with evolutionary timelines?"

"Weeell... think I might have done that when I plucked you out of 2005, don't you?"

"Still, I don't know, meddling about with biology. I don't even rate plastic surgery unless it's on medical grounds!"

"But there are millions of planets out there... lots of them with natural remedies... we could research it?"

"Okay... we'll look into it... only because I can't bear the idea of you being that lonely again!"

"Oh, Rose, you are so fantastic! You know I'm sure we'll find something, Lady Cassandra said she was about three thousand years old at least."

"You are not turning me into a human trampoline, Doctor!"

"Oh! And there was I ready to do a bit more bouncing on you!"

"My God! I've opened up the floodgates! Doctor, if you don't feed me soon it won't matter about my age, I won't have the energy to carry on!"

"Fine! I'll go and get something and bring it here!" He got up and moved to the door naked.

"Doctor?" he stopped and turned to her, "I don't fancy eggs though, 'kay?"

"Cheeky mare!" he said, flashing her a grin and heading off to the galley.

"What next?" asked Rose as they tucked into fruit, toast and cereal.

"Meaning?"

"Well, are we off to find some trouble, a big adventure? Trust me enough now?"

"I think we are going to have to move away from that, Rose. I'm always going to be overprotective of you. I don't want to lose you again. You are my life-mate. You can't possibly tell me that the thought of me running off into certain danger fills you with glee?"

"No, you're right."

"There is something else that's bothering me, though."

"Yeah?"

"Your mother."

"What? She's like, another universe away and she's still bothering you?"

"No. I mean... she must be worried. I think we should look for a window."

"A window?"

"You know, burn up a Nova, tell her we're okay. Say goodbye."

"But can you call her like you called me?"

"Probably not, but you could."

"Me, how?"

"She's your mother, Rose, nothing quite like that bond. You'll find it easy enough!"

"But what then? Drag her back to that bloody beach?"

"Seems to be the thinnest part of the universes... besides, she would come prepared... make a holiday of it."

"Okay... I'd like that... she might try to find me if we don't!"

"Oh, God, no!"

"Shut up!" He grinned and pulled her back down on to the mattress.

"Now, where were we?"

"Something about using me as a trampoline?"

"Ah, yes!"


	22. Chapter 22

Three weeks later they were still spending most of their time in bed. The TARDIS had transformed his bleak masculine room into a fantastic love nest and it made them lazy and reluctant to do anything but explore each other for hours on end.

The Doctor was in a state of complete release. He had bottled so much up for so many centuries, that Rose had, indeed, opened up the floodgates. There seemed to be no end to his endurance in the lovemaking department and the day usually ended with Rose begging him to let her sleep.

Mornings would arrive all too quickly and he waited on her with trays of energy boosting breakfasts. While she ate he would run them a bath in the huge tub that the TARDIS grew them.

"How long can we keep this up?" Rose asked him one afternoon as she lay replete from an experiment of his that involved running naked around the TARDIS gardens as fast as they could and jumping into the fountain which was freezing cold.

"I can keep it up for hours! I've got two hearts pumping blood round my system, Rose!" he grinned rubbing her with a towel to try and get her circulation going, she looked a bit blue.

"We need to find a happy balance, I am going to age before my time at this rate!"

"Rose! Are you saying the honeymoon period is over?" Rose looked at him seriously.

"There are so many things wrong with that sentence. How can it be a honeymoon if we aren't married, for starters?"

"Who says we're not married? We might not be in your world, Rose, but we are in over five thousand galaxies across the universe!"

"Really? Always nice to be the last to know!" she was still shivering so he picked her up and carried her to their bathroom where the TARDIS had run her a hot bubble bath. He whipped off the towel and plonked her in it with a grin. She looked shocked for a moment, then the warmth began to spread and a smile tipped her lips.

"You hungry?" he asked kneeling down beside her and letting his gaze travel over her pink body.

"Starving! I... I... want chips! Proper English chips with loads of vinegar!"

"Rose! Can't you think of something we have here?"

"Nope... I want chips... get dressed Timelord... you're taking me back to Earth!" The Doctor sighed and went to do as he was told.

Rose lay there for a while her eyebrows furrowing in thought. Honeymoon period. It was the last word in this that bothered her. She had lost track and really wasn't sure when she was or, as she suspected, had been due. She knew that the Doctor always knew, but there had been a lot of distractions of late and she really wasn't sure if he might be testosterone blind.

She could almost smell chips from her local chippy and this was unusual, she hadn't felt urges for chips like this since she was a teenager, when she was undergoing huge hormonal imbalance. There was also an underlying urge for bananas, but she wasn't going to give in to it... not yet. She didn't get out of the bath until she felt the TARDIS in motion. She had trained her Timelord well.

When she arrived in the console room ten minutes later he was leaning against the desk tapping in some information on the computer. He looked over his glasses at her. Her stomach turned to liquid. She grinned at him.

"Haven't seen you with yer clothes on for so long, I forgot how sexy you are in 'em!" she said cheekily. He smiled and moved around to her pulling her into his arms.

"One would like to be able to say the same for you... but I find you far more sexy with them off!" Rose made a mental note to herself to pop an Anne Summers catalogue in the wardrobe room and see what the TARDIS would come up with.

"What are you up to on that, then?" she asked indicating the main computer. He looked shifty.

"Nothing... just thinking about that Nova and everything else we talked about!"

"Any luck?" she responded, though she didn't quite believe him. Instinctively she nudged at his mind, trying to find out what he was worried about. She was interrupted by the sound of a phone. The Doctor looked surprised and then danced over to the place from where it was coming.

"Martha! Problem?" he said answering it, "oh... yes... yes you're right, I did... yes... of course we will... no I'm not! I want to... for the first time in my life I actually want to! We'll be there... bye!" He clicked the phone down and smiled at Rose.

"What was all that about?" she asked him.

"Martha's wedding... forgot about it completely! Saturday... we've got to go, right?"

"Of course! A chance to dress up! What fun!" Rose really did feel excited and she explored her feelings. Was it just that she wanted to show off the fact that she and the Doctor were now properly together? Would that be wrong?

"Your chip shop awaits!" he said breaking into her thoughts and offering her his arm. They marched down the ramp together and she found herself in the streets she knew so well.

Tears threatened, pricking her eyes as she wandered down memory lane. Looking up she could see her old flat, now not occupied by Tylers, but another family.

The Doctor said very little, but she could tell that he knew that she was feeling a little low and was gently caressing the outer regions of her mind's eye.

The chip shop was quite busy and Rose scanned the clientèle to see if anyone she knew was in there. She leaned on the Doctor who squeezed her arm and then put his own around her. She smiled, the last time they came here, to this particular chip shop; he was in a leather jacket and the idea of him holding her like that would have been pure fantasy.

Walking back to the TARDIS with hot chips burning their mouths Rose reflected on her happiness. Even though she was a bit worried about certain things and she missed her family; she felt so happy with this man. She could not picture existence without him.

She smiled up at him as they sauntered along and he caught her eye.

"What?" he laughed at the face she pulled.

"You... taking me for chips... going to weddings... it's so very..."

"Domestic?" he finished with a shrug.

"Couldn't have put it better myself!"

"Think I've been doing domestic with you since the day we met, Rose Tyler!" A shadow scuttling in an alley nearby unnerved him and he started to move more quickly, knowing she would instinctively keep pace. They chucked their paper wrappers in a bin and he grabbed her hand.

"Think we might need to..."

"Run!" she squealed and started sprinting with him towards the TARDIS. She thought it was a game, wasn't aware of what he had spied lurking. They were immediately in full chase as soon as they started to run. She saw it only as they got to the TARDIS. He slammed the doors as whatever it was crashed into them.

"What the hell was that?" she panted.


	23. Chapter 23

The Doctor looked at Rose, slightly worried. The doors rattled.

"Not what, Rose... who? I seem to have blundered again."

"What?"

"It isn't the present day here Rose... we're in the past, your past."

"I don't understand!" But clearly she was beginning to.

"There was always going to be the possibility of this."

"What, Doctor?"

"There's a whole year of your life missing, Rose, we were bound to land in it sometime..." Rose stared at him in confusion.

"Rose?" said a familiar voice from outside.

"That was Mickey, Rose."

"What? But it can't be!"

"Mickey from the past... Mickey who has been searching for you since you disappeared in a blue police box with a man in a leather jacket."

"Rose? I know you're there!" The doors rattled again.

"We should go!"

"Please, I need to see you, your mum is going frantic!" Rose's eyes whipped to the Doctor and rounded.

"My... my mum?"

"Not your present mum, Rose, your past mum... remember the Reapers?"

"Yeah... but I'm not here... I'm away a whole year!"

"What's the use? You won't be able to tell her anything!"

"I'd be able to tell her that I love her!" He stopped and looked at her sadly.

"You could change the course of history with one wrong word!"

"Maybe, a little. That's what we do all the time!"

"Rose!" Mickey whined.

"I just wanna see her!"

"How many times have I heard that before?"

"I promise, I'll just go in and pretend I met some gorgeous bloke and went on a bender... she'll be angry, but it will save her being worried for a whole year... maybe you won't get that slap!" His hand went up to his cheek instinctively.

"Will it make that much difference?"

"Mickey! How long have I been gone?" she shouted.

"Twelve days... if you don't come out I'm gonna call the police! Let me see you!"

"Only twelve days! If I tell her I've met this wonderful man and we're going travelling, she won't like it but at least she'll be spared the worry!"

"She met this wonderful man, remember? Made a pass at him as I recall!"

"So? He was wonderful!"

"And gorgeous?"

"Rose! Come out!"

"He was questioned by the police... didn't deserve that!" She inclined her head towards the door.

"You do this, Rose and you're on your own. I can't be seen. I shouldn't let you, I really shouldn't!"

"You don't own me, Doctor!"

"Really? Think you might find that I do now," he grinned and tweaked their bond inside her causing a rippling sensation down her body.

"Mickey... I'm gonna change. I'll be out in a bit, stay there."

"I'm going nowhere!"

"Rose... an hour, that's all, okay? Say what you need and get back here, please!"

"She ain't gonna be happy with an hour!"

"No? Well, nor will I! I'm compromising here, not used to that at all!" Rose smiled and kissed him then rushed off down the corridor to her old room. He followed her and watched her changing into some of her old clothes. Loose fitting low slung bootlegs, white vest top and red Punky Fish jacket.

"I look too old!"

"Think you'll pass, just say you've been partying."

"I'm years older!"

"Shall I get your Zimmer frame ready?"

"Shut up!"

"Weell... you look fantastic."

"Shut up!"

"Seriously... I could eat you."

"Later... I want to go and see my mum!"

"Just be careful." Rose nodded and slipped her hand into his. They walked back to the console room in silence. At the top of the ramp she turned to him and he pulled her to him and kissed her thoroughly.

"I'll be fine... I really need this, you know?" 

"Yes, I know... just remember 1987."

"Yeah... I'll never forget it."

"Rose Tyler... I love you."

"Quite right too! See ya!" She opened the door and left quickly. He walked up to the console and flicked the monitor on. He focused on them. They were arguing. He tried to hug her, but she shrugged him off. She glanced right at the camera, then they moved away. Mickey tried to take her hand but she wasn't playing ball. When they had disappeared from view he sat down.

"One hour... sixty minutes... three thousand six hundred seconds... should be easy for a Timelord." he said to himself and became aware that he was alone for the first time in months.


	24. Chapter 24

"You just waltzed off with a strange man old enough to be your father!"

"You don't know the 'alf of it, Rickey!" He stopped and pulled her arm back.

"It's Mickey and you know it, or has he brainwashed you?"

"No! Course he hasn't!"

"I thought you and me were special, Rose?"

"I do care, Mickey, really I do... it's just... it was never forever."

"Why did ya come back then?" He folded his arms defensively.

"I just wanna see my mum, then I'll be off, okay?"

"No, Rose, you're my girl... I ain't letting you go that easy!"

"You can't keep me, Mickey, I'm my own person. I make my own choices!"

"Not so sure... I mean, he's... an... you know?"

"Alien? Yes, he is... he's the most wonderful man I ever knew, Mickey, really I thought I made it clear when I left?"

"Is it the football? The pub? I can change... really... we can go travelling if you want... mate of mine has a camper?"

"No... no... look you really matter to me... you will always be a great friend... believe me I know that. But a friend is what you are." He stared at her in disbelief.

"So, if he's such a wonderful bloke who was the one you were all cosy with going back to that police box?" He asked triumphantly.

"That's... that's a long story... and you'll just have to trust me on this... I can't explain it to you, not yet."

"Something's wrong, Rose, I can tell... what has happened that you can't explain it to me? Why?" He stopped again and looked into her face. They were standing under a street lamp and his eyes grew wide as he saw her properly for the first time.

"What's happened to you?"

"What do you mean?" she asked, dropping her eyes realising that she couldn't possibly fool him.

"Rose?" She stared at him in silence, contemplating what she was able to tell him.

"Let's go and talk somewhere," she said finally taking his arm and changing direction towards his flat.

Once he shut the door and clicked on the electric light he looked at her, stunned.

"You look different. Your hair... you've lost weight... tell me Rose, what the hell's going on?" Rose took a deep breath and sat on his sofa.

"Make us a cuppa, will ya, Mickey and then I'll tell you what I can."

Finally, they sat together on the sofa, hands cupping steaming mugs.

"What was the last thing he said, Mickey, when he came back for me?"

"I can't remember... wait, something about it travelling in time as well?"

"Yes... and it did... does." He stared at her digesting what she was saying, then finally the penny dropped.

"You mean... you're... not... you," he stammered.

"I am Rose from the future... about four years from now.. though it seems like a lot more!"

"Why are you here... what's happened?" he asked finally.

"It was an accident, really, we sort of stumbled here."

"Isn't that dangerous? Couldn't you cause some kind of overlap in time?"

"A paradox... that's what you call it. I could if I tell you too much."

"What if you bumped in to you, though, Rose?"

"I won't, I won't be back for a while, Mickey."

"What? You can't do that, Rose. Your mum is so worried and I've already been questioned by the police!"

"That was why I was going to see her... one of the reasons."

"I don't understand... why do you need to see her out of you time? I think that... alien is fiddling around with the future... puts us all in jeopardy!"

"This isn't Back to the Future, Mickey! If I don't tell you anything really important then it'll be fine!" He stared at her, not understanding.

"So you've come to see your mum because, for some reason, you can't see her in your own time? Is that it?"

"Sort of."

"Don't you think she'll cotton on? I did! We know you too well, Rose... she'll not let you go... you know it. What were you thinking? What was he thinking?" And suddenly it dawned on her. He was right. She should not be here. Everything about it was wrong. She had manipulated the Doctor because of his guilt and it had taken sensible Mickey to point it out. She started to cry. He pulled her into his arms and rocked her gently as she realised she would never see her mum again. More than that, she could never let the Doctor see her grieving for her, not ever.

"Tell me, Rose," he said gently.

"I can't, Mickey, but I will be back... another mistake... his ship can be a bit hit and miss... but it will be a year before I'm back."

"A year?" She nodded. He jumped up and paced the room thinking hard.

"Mickey?"

"Look... I don't care about me... I can take it if I know you're safe. But your mum should know something!"

"How? You're right... you know she would see through me and she'd probably lock me up!"

"I know what to do! Come on... let's go!" He grabbed her hand and led her out the flat. This time he was much more cautious about being seen and Rose let him lead her. Finally they rounded a corner and found what he was looking for. The old red phone box that they had played in as kids stood slightly dilapidated and smelly in the alleyway.

"What?"

"Call her... tell her you're okay!" he said smiling so manically he reminded her of the Doctor.

"But... does it work?"

"Yes, they serviced it last week!"

"But, they could trace the call?"

"Not if you dial one four one before the number!"

"I haven't any change!"

"Rose! Just do it! Stop looking for excuses!" He reached into his pockets and pulled out a handful of ten and twenty pence pieces and plonked them on the ledge. Then he left her inside and stood with his back to the door. 

Hands shaking, she dialled the number. The phone rang three times and then it was answered.

"Hello?"

"Mum?"

"Rose? Where are you? Where have you been? I've been worried sick!" Rose started to cry as she listened to her mother's familiar voice.

"I'm fine... I'm sorry... I just... I met this man and he sort of swept me off my feet."

"That's all very well... but it ain't like you... why didn't you call?"

"My phone got broken... this is the first opportunity I've had since we left."

"Who is he?"

"You met him... he travels mum... he offered to take me along... I just sort of got caught up in the moment... I'm so sorry."

"Yeah, well when I meet him again, he'll be getting a piece of me, I can tell you! When are you coming home? Don't you need your passport?"

"I... I'm not sure, no I don't need it... I'll try and call again... money's running out... got to go!"

"Rose!"

"I... love you mum... so much... always remember how much, won't you?" She clicked down the phone and stood with her shoulders shaking towards the receiver. Mickey joined her and held her again.

Finally, they walked back to the TARDIS hand in hand. When they got to the doors she turned to him and kissed him on the cheek.

"You can't tell me about this, Mickey, okay? You can't speak of it until I tell you I've made this trip, okay?"

"I understand... just be careful, Rose."

"Thank you, Mickey, you're a good man."

"Not good enough, though." She hugged him again and let herself into the TARDIS. 

The Doctor looked up from his position in the pilot seat, took one look at her face and walked down the ramp to take her sobbing in his arms.


	25. Chapter 25

As she dressed herself in the beautifully cut silk dress that the TARDIS had laid out for her, Rose reflected on how respectful the Doctor had been of her privacy. It had been three days since they had landed in 2004 and he hadn't asked one question about what had happened.

He knew she had been very upset and he had comforted her as she had needed, but he had decided not to pry. She knew that he would sense a great deal through their bonding and that eventually she would tell him some of what had occurred. At the moment she was trying to find the right words to use without making him feel guilty.

She pulled the zip up the side of her ribcage and turned to the mirror. Even she sucked in her breath. The TARDIS knew what would suit her better than she did. She couldn't help noticing that her breasts filled the dress out rather too well. She allowed her hands to smooth over her body, pausing over her belly and holding it for a while.

What if she was? How would that affect their future? Sure, it was something that she would have loved one day. But, this was _now_. They hadn't discussed this. Hadn't had breathing space, really, from their new found status in the bedroom. She was both excited at the prospect of having his baby and also very scared.

Sighing, she picked up her hat and rested it on her head, gazing at her sad face. They had already started with keeping secrets, or rather, she had. She wasn't telling him two quite important things that he had a right to know about and she should.

She was scared of spoiling things.

What if he was cross with her about trying to see her mum? She had manipulated him into letting her. What if he didn't want the complications of a cross bred baby? How would she cope without him? Without her mum? 

Her thoughts were interrupted by a sigh at the doorway. She turned to see him looking at her with sadness and love in his eyes.

"You look lovely, Rose," he murmured and moved into the room awkwardly. She didn't know how long he had been standing there and felt uneasy and guilty at the same time.

"So do you, Doctor," she replied and pulled him to her kissing him to try and cover the awkwardness. He pulled back and looked sadly into her eyes.

"Rose?" 

She pulled away then, unable to avoid him seeing her tears.

"I refuse to go to this wedding with this hanging in the air, Rose. I respect that you need your space, but you are making yourself unhappier every day with it and I want to know. We were so happy before you decided you wanted chips!" She looked at him and almost laughed at the absurdity of his statement.

"We're okay, Doctor! We always will be... I think!"

"You think? You know we always will be! Please don't close up on me, Rose, I know that game only too well!" 

Rose observed him thoughtfully for a few moments. "I didn't see her." 

He nodded, looking into her face not wanting to say anything to stop her now she had begun.

"Mickey... he's so much more than we ever... Doctor, he realised and stopped me. I... I phoned her."

"I gathered as much... I should never have let it get that far!"

"It was my fault and I'm sorry for putting you in that position... I should never have done that!"

"You wanted to see your mum. I can understand that... think I never wanted to go back to a better time in Gallifrey?"

"But you didn't!"

"Oh, I did! Just once. It was reckless and nearly cost the rest of the universe but I was low and I went back to peek. That's the thing about Timelords, they knew I was coming before I arrived... I only just managed to escape!" Rose listened to this in slight shock; even he could act on the same sort of impulse.

"If it was as simple as that... if we could go back and warn each other... life would not be quite so... what word would you use?"

"Torn?" she hesitated.

"Yeah... but where there's tearing, there's also the mending."

"Yes." He smiled at her and placed his hands on her waist. She looked at him with a clearer expression.

"We need to think about getting going. Martha will not be happy with us if we don't arrive in good time!"

"Quite looking forward to a bit of a party! I can speak to Mickey as well... thank him.. all those years he went without letting on!"

"Yes... and I still got that slap!" He rubbed his face with the memory of it.

"You did? That's my mum for you!"

"Yeah... should have known!"

"Champagne! I haven't had proper champagne for years... the other universe's is so wrong!" By now they were headed hand in hand towards the console room, but what the Doctor said next stopped her in her tracks.

"Yes, well, you should be alright with a couple of glasses, but don't overdo it, okay?"


	26. Chapter 26

"What?" she whispered, standing stock still. 

Her hand remained in his and he squeezed it reassuringly. He turned back to her with a shy smile. "You didn't think you could keep something like that from me, did you, Rose? I know your body better than you... I can sense every little change in you... what I can 't measure without popping inside your head, is how you're exactly feeling about it?"

"You... you knew? Why didn't you say something?" she said finally, the shock rocking her visibly.

"Well... you didn't... thought that was what humans do... thought that was part of the ritual!"

"What did your people do?" she asked in disbelief.

"We worked on the looms together... could see the development... never done this biologically... ground-breaking stuff really!"

"Looms? You mean you never?"

"No, never." She stared at him, her mouth opening and closing with no sound coming.

"Rose... and now we know... here it is out in the open... I still don't know how you feel about it!"

Rose coughed and spluttered back to him. "You seem so matter of fact about it. I'm still in shock... how long have you known?"

"Rose, we had sexual intercourse... you were ovulating. I have very strong Timelord sperm... we conceived the very first time. I thought you knew. I'm not surprised because I thought that was where we were headed! Are you disappointed?" His face had paled as if the idea of her not wanting this had just occurred to him. Again Rose stared at him computing the words he had just spoken.

"Sex is just about procreation for you?" she asked after a long while.

"Of course not! No, it's just that it was bound to happen... I assumed because we didn't discuss not getting pregnant that we were headed this way... it was bound to happen the way we've been at it. I was quite proud that we hit the jackpot first time." Indeed, as he said this; Rose could see a small smile on the corner of his mouth and his chest puff out with pride. 

"You want this?" she said very quietly, her brain going into overdrive.

"Of course I do! Don't you?" He sounded surprised as the confidence began to drain from his face.

"I really haven't had time to think about it! I don't not want it... just that it's a shock to me." 

His face softened as an understanding dawned on him. "You really didn't think about the possibility of it, did you?"

"Actually, I thought that we weren't biologically compatible because you never mentioned it." 

He shook his head and smiled again. "Always on the cards probably more so now. Last of my kind... evolution wanting to... evolve. This isn't exactly the romantic revelation I was hoping for!" 

She looked at him sharply and a small smile formed on her face. "You're really pleased, aren't you?"

"Rose, I'm beside myself! I have been bursting at the seams with it. But if you aren't happy then, well... I'm not."

"Liar! Look at you, great big male pride all over your face! I wish you had said... it's like you're further along than I am!" He caught her smile and his grin stretched across his face and lit him up.

"You want?"

"Silly of you to ask! I'm just surprised is all... would have wanted this eventually. It is okay. I mean, I can carry a part Timelord baby?" He couldn't wipe the grin from his face as the words fell from her mouth.

"Oh, yes... there are certain supplements you will need to take... not unlike a human pregnancy. Gestation is longer and your body is already adapting. I checked that... sorry, had to make sure you weren't in any danger!"

"Doctor, shut up and kiss me! We're going to have a baby!" She pulled him into her and found his lips taking the science out of the equation if only for a while. He returned her kiss with much ardour which soon developed into much more.

"How long have we got before Martha walks up the aisle?" he breathed into her hair.

"You're asking me how much time? You're a lord of time! We're standing in a time machine! I would have thought that we had all the time in the world!" He pulled back and grinned again, then in one fluid movement he picked her up and carried her to the bedroom ignoring her squeals about wrinkling her dress.

**********

It was a couple of hours later that Jack noticed a very different looking Doctor and Rose sneaking into the church. They were wrapped together and glowing. He couldn't quite put his finger on what was different about them. Yes, he could see that they were now a proper couple. He could even see that it wasn't long since they had stepped out of their bed. There was something more. Then it dawned on him. They were happy, really and truly happy! These two had been so alone and so separate for so long. He grinned as he cheered silently for Rose. She had done it! She had broken through and claimed her Timelord and now they were finally happy.

As Martha and Tom spoke their vows, Mickey glanced back at Rose. She didn't see him, she only had eyes for the Doctor. His heart sank as he realised that now she knew that he had known all along. He could no longer pretend. She knew that he had accepted their finish far longer than she had even known about it. All they had been through, those times he had tried even though he knew. Would she be angry? She looked so different wrapped up in that man. She had lost that sadness. She was glowing. She looked complete. This made him feel better. Rose was happy, finally. That was all that mattered. Maybe he could finally move on too?

Martha knew they were there before they had even walked through the doors. She glanced back smiling and was shocked at what she saw. He didn't look like him any more! The Doctor was replaced by a smiling, happy glowing light. Rose looked far more beautiful than she could ever feel. Even on her day Rose was upstaging her without realising it! She saw them looking at each other and hoped that she and Tom could find just a small percentage of happiness like that together. Wistfully and determinedly she turned back to her new husband and vowed to make him happy.


	27. Chapter 27

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I can see the perfect sky... Natalie Imbruglia_

As the reception got going the Doctor found that he was enjoying himself more than he could ever remember. The last wedding reception he had attended was Donna's not-wedding one. It was Christmas and he had just lost Rose. He remembered seeing a couple dancing and how they had, painfully, reminded him of them.

Now it felt like nothing could take away his happiness. Even the fact that Donna wasn't here couldn't wipe the grin off his face. Donna was okay. Still brilliant. Still Donna. It was just that she didn't know him. Nor ever could.

He whisked Rose onto the dance floor as soon as he could and barely let her stop for breath.

"Doctor! Please! Let me sit down!" she begged as one tune ended. He pouted but led her back to the table where they had been sitting with Jack and Mickey.

Rose slumped down and kicked off her shoes. The Doctor stood beside her still jiggling about to the music. Jack observed him with one eyebrow cocked, an amused grin pulling his mouth apart and displaying his fine white teeth.

"Captain?" asked the Doctor, inclining his head toward the dance floor.

"Don't tease, Doctor!" he replied wistfully.

"Come on! Show me your moves!" insisted the Doctor. Jack was up in a flash and the Doctor looked at Rose.

"Not too fifty first century?" he asked her. She was laughing so much she couldn't reply.

"Just don't embarrass Martha!" said Mickey. Jack saluted him and the two men bounded off for the middle of the dance floor where they began to compete with each other as to whom had the best moves.

Rose and Mickey watched them in amusement for a while.

"He seems much better," said Mickey after some time.

"Yeah... he is."

"And you?"

She turned to him, leaned over and squeezed his hand. "I've never been happier," she replied.

"You look a bit pale... are you sure?"

"Yes... look, Mickey, I want to thank you. That time I came back. You never let on. Clever of you. I could have destroyed it all!"

"Yeah, well, you don't need to thank me. I understand it all now. The thing is, Rose... you could have told me to warn you. All those things that happened. Cybermen... Daleks... the void... being trapped on that universe. The Darkness. The other him and what he did?"

"Mickey... if it could have been changed, don't you think he would have? Who are we to play God and mess around with what is?"

"But you were raped!" he said softly.

"I was and I'm okay. I've moved on. Dealt with it. Finished!"

"Doesn't sound like it!"

"Mickey, hearing you say it like that... it's harsh. I nearly died and the Doctor nearly killed himself with the weight of his guilt. It was horrible. But we survived. That's it. We survive these things. They make us stronger. No... I'm not glad it happened. But I have the ability to move on from it. Some women never get over being attacked in that way. In all the experiences in my life... all the dreadful, scary and wonderful things that I have done; I have used them to make me stronger. I only have one regret, that is why you met me trying to cross my own timeline." A single tear spilt from her eye and Mickey's face softened.

"Is there no way you can see her?"

"No, only if we risked the universes imploding. We might be able to get a message to her... like he did to me. I just wish I could tell her... oh, it doesn't matter!"

"What, Rose?"

She shook her head sadly. 

At this point Martha arrived at the table with a plate of food. "Been stuck on that top table... Mum and Dad are rowing and Tom is trying to be peacemaker. He'll learn. What are those two men up to now?" It was a funny sight, seeing Martha slumping in the seat next to them in her wedding dress, picking at a plate of jellied eels and talking like her ordinary down-to-earth self.

"Having a competition on who has the best moves," said Rose, laughing.

"Criminal!" muttered Mickey.

"You should show 'em, Mickey!" encouraged Rose.

"Wild horses wouldn't drag me up there!"

"What have you done to the Doctor, Rose?" smiled Martha, popping an eel into her mouth.

Rose felt her stomach bubble. "Me? Nothing, he's just... what is that?"

"These? Oh, jellied eels! Tom insisted on some traditional Eastend grub... they're alright actually... wanna try?" Rose felt the bile rise in her mouth and got up without being able to speak, bolting for the toilets. Mickey and Martha stared at each other.

"What happened there?" said Martha.

"Rose was going to be sick," said Mickey.

"Has she drunk too much champagne?"

"No, in fact that glass there? It's her first glass." He pointed it out. It was over half full. 

At this point the Doctor and Jack returned from their exertions on the dance floor amidst applause. They were laughing heartily.

"Where's Rose?" asked Jack.

"Well, I offered her a jellied eel and she took off for the ladies' looking very green!" said Martha, looking pointedly at the Doctor. He took in this information and grinned widely. He seemed taller and wider even than Jack as he puffed out like a peacock. Jack looked at him suspiciously.

"Feeling sick, was she?" asked the Doctor without concern, in fact, the pleasure was very apparent in his tone.

"Doctor?" said Jack. His proud grin widened even more, if that were possible. Now Martha stood and approached him. Mickey still looked puzzled.

"I'll go and see if she's okay," she said, shaking her head at the Doctor, but with a small smile on her lips.

The Doctor sat down by Mickey, and Jack sat by him.

"That was quick work!" he muttered.

"Yep! Just, sort of happened. We're both delighted, of course!"

"Of course! You're not the one puking up, though, are you?"

"What?" said Mickey.

"Rose is happy about it!" said the Doctor, the grin wiped off his face.

"What?" repeated Mickey.

"Course she is... it's just grinning about it while she's throwing up, isn't very supportive, is it?" The Doctor contemplated this.

"What? What the hell are you goin' on about?" asked Mickey loudly. 

Jack gave him that stripping look, accompanied by that smarmy grin. "Congratulations, Mickey, we are going to be uncles!" he said lightly, and the penny finally dropped along with Mickey's mouth.

"Really?" he asked, turning to the Doctor, all manner of emotions running through him. The Doctor nodded almost sheepishly, but couldn't help the grin returning moments later. Mickey thought for a while. "Oh... now it makes sense!" he said finally.

"What?"

"That's why she tried to cross her own timeline in 2004! She needed to see her mother! You don't know Tyler women like I do, Doctor! You have to find a way of letting them speak!"

***********

Rose felt gentle hands pulling her hair back to prevent it dangling down the pan.

"Alright?" asked Martha softly.

"Your fault! Bloody jellied eels!"

"They happen to be very good for you!"

"Yeah? Don't think I'll be trying them any time soon!" She sat up and Martha poured a beaker of water and handed it to her. She watched her drinking thoughtfully.

"So... baby Timelord, then?"

"So it would seem."

"Congratulations... how far on are you?"

"Very early stages... about four weeks, give or take!"

"But you were here about four weeks ago!"

"Yes, that would have been the day we conceived!"

"Oh my God! There are so many questions to ask!"

"In short, Martha. Big argument. Extremely big make up. Strong Timelord sperm with a definite need to reproduce. Result? Conception, the very first time!"

"And you're happy? I can see he is, I've never seen him like that. That's not just the baby, though."

"I'm a bit shocked. It isn't something I wouldn't have wanted. I just wasn't expecting it quite so soon. Well, a man like him! You wouldn't expect him to accidentally impregnate someone, would you?"

"Well, firstly, not just anyone! And, secondly, it probably wasn't accidental. More like a given. He probably assumed it. Cultural differences." Rose observed her strangely.

"You know him really well, don't you?"

"It was the three months we shared trapped in a tiny flat in 1969. You have to listen in those circumstances! No adventures! Just me working and him doing bugger all! We're great friends, him and I. He talked about you all the time! Constant Rose, I nicknamed you!"

"Martha, you really don't need to justify your friendship with him. I'm completely secure in my relationship with him. He's probably always going to attract..." Rose stopped sharply.

"Stray dogs? That's what I called us once upon a time!" said Martha with a wry laugh.

"Yeah, but he can't just take anyone along now. Come on you, it's your wedding day and you're stuck on the toilet floor with a pregnant woman! Let's go and give him and Jack a run for their money on the dance floor!"

"You're feeling better?"

"Oh, yes! I'm made of strong stuff, me, always bouncing back!"

"Think you're going to need that, sharing a life with him!"


	28. Chapter 28

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _So, I guess the fortune teller's right... Natalie Imbruglia_

"Just concentrate on her... picture her in your mind... empty your head of everything. Close your eyes. Now, when you're ready... we call her.. think across the universes, across space, across time... it doesn't exist... there is no gap between you."

"I feel stupid!" she said, snapping her eyes back open.

"Rose, if you don't believe it, don't give yourself over to it, then it's not going to happen! We need to contact her... tell her we are happy and safe. She should know about the baby... her grandchild!"

"Okay! Okay! I'll try harder!" She closed her eyes again and tried to concentrate. He placed his fingers on her temples and closed his eyes in order to help her. Giggling, she let him in.

"Rose!" he exclaimed, his eyes now snapping open and looking at her in amused shock and horror.

"Sorry... my hormones are all over the place and you're so sexy... especially when you get inside my head!"

"There'll be plenty of time for that later! Let's just concentrate on your mother for now!" 

Rose's face dropped. "God! How to throw cold water on a blazing fire!"

"This Nova... you know, it won't hold out forever! It could be years before I locate another!"

"Alright! Let's do it then!" She shut her eyes and grabbed his fingers, placing them back at her temples. Concentrating hard, she formed a picture of her mother. Gradually a definite image of Jackie formed in her mind's eye. She was standing in the kitchen of the mansion gazing at her small blonde son in his high chair eating porridge. There were tears in her eyes.

"Mum!" she whispered and she wasn't sure if she said it out loud. 

Jackie jumped and looked all about her. "Rose?" she said tentatively.

"Mum!" came the whispered call again.

"Are you there?" Jackie's voice shook as she asked the question to no one but the air around her.

"Mum!" she breathed one more time and then her eyes opened and she gazed into her Doctor's deep brown ones in amusement.

"What? What did she say?" he asked, smiling.

"Rose Marion Tyler! Not that bloody God-forsaken-beach again!" said Rose in perfect mimicry of her mother. 

The Doctor grinned. "Well done! She must have been thinking of you at exactly the moment that you made contact."

"It was enough? Will she come?"

"It was enough for you and you didn't even know about that bloody God-forsaken-beach!"

"Yeah, you're right. She would rather be wrong than not go! When do we leave?"

"Tomorrow... give them a chance to get there. We've got some time."

"Oh? What for?" He placed his hands at her temples with a grin, making her gasp this time. She smiled at him, tongue touching teeth, took one of his hands from her temple and started to lead him backwards towards their bedroom. They broke into a run up the corridor, casting their clothes aside along the way.

**********

"She's not here!" said Jackie, looking at Pete.

"They will be," he replied calmly as he knelt down on the sand and helped Tony to build a sandcastle.

"I don't understand why it has to be now for them?"

"He's explained it all to you, Jacks, you just have to open up your mind and see that not everything always comes in the right order! We are here to form the link!"

"Yes, I know, it will still be hard to keep it all in and not say anything!" 

Pete nodded and smoothed the sand down before turning the bucket over and making the castle. 

Jackie stilled as two figures began to materialise a few yards in front of them. "Pete!" she whispered and he stood up. Together they walked towards the hologram.

"Hi, Mum," said Rose with a sad and wistful smile. 

Jackie's eyes flickered over the two of them.

"Alright, sweetheart? Doctor... been looking after her?" she asked, her eyebrow raised. 

The Doctor grinned sheepishly. 

"I'm sorry I left you without saying goodbye... so much has happened since then." Rose's eyes went from Jackie to Pete and then she gasped as Tony appeared between his parents' elbows and looked at her, puzzled. "Oh, my God! How long has it been?" she asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Eight years."

"Oh! I'm sorry... so sorry!"

"Rose, why are so upset?" asked the seven year old.

"He... he remembers me? Knows me?"

"Tell 'em, Jacks," said Pete softly. Rose and the Doctor turned to Jackie in surprise and confusion.

"I have a message for you two."

"Who from?" asked the Doctor with that tone he used when he was concerned that something could be very wrong.

"Well, from you!"

"Hold on, Jackie... be careful what you're saying!"

"You said you would say that. The truth is, you've been visiting us every month for the past six years. Birthdays, Christmas... seen all my grandchildren... whoops, "spoilers", he said!"

"Mum!" said Rose trying to understand.

"Rose, it's fine... you'll see!"

"We haven't much time... what was the message?" asked the Doctor.

"The remnants of the Kasterborous Constellation, you must search there... you're fading!"

"Bye, Mum! I love you!"

"See you soon! Couple of years for you, Sunday for us! Love you!"

 

They stood in the console room and stared at each other in disbelief.

"What did she mean?" asked Rose, tears freely falling down her face.

"Well, I never thought... I wouldn't, though... couldn't. Too painful."

"What?" she asked as he turned to the keyboard and dotted in some statistics.

"That's where Gallifrey was. I never thought of looking there!"

"I don't understand!"

"It means that we are going to find a hole in the system. A doorway between the universes. I didn't think it possible on my own. In the old days, when there were many of us, it was common to cross over to different universes." He was rambling, almost to himself.

He pulled Rose into his arms and luxuriated in the developing link between their son and himself.

"It means we can visit safely!"

"Two years?"

"It's all wibbly-wobbly and timey-wimey. It could take us that long to find it and secure it." Suddenly, Rose pulled back with a gasp.

"What?" he asked with some concern.

"Grandchildren... she said grandchildren!" He pulled her back with a smile, his hands stroking her small developing baby bump.

"She did, didn't she..?"


End file.
